January 13, 2011

You ever get to that point in your life where nothing makes sense and you feel like everything is wrong? Well...that's where I'm at right now. Everything's wrong and nothing can change that. I just feel so...strange. I wanna go crawl in a hole and hide for the rest of my life but then again I have a strong urge to punch something. I have no idea why.

UGH I'm gunna scream...

January 12th 2011

You know how some people say that even if you have all the friends in the world, you can still be the loneliest? Why do I feel like that's what's happening to me? I have all these friends, and I know they care...But with all due respect, none of them understand. And even if they did I'm sick of hearing so many "I'm sorries" and apologies. It's not their fault. They can't fix it. No one can...what's done is done. I'll never get back what I had. I want to move on and forget everything that's happened. I wish I could wake up and realize it was all something I dreamed up..
I want someone to tell me that I haven't lost my mind. I need someone to tell me that I'm not crazy...Because every day is a struggle.

I'm so sorry - I promised you I would be strong. I promised I wouldn't let myself go. But I just can't do this.

January 9th 2011

....I must be a terrible terrible person.

Things are almost at the bottom. People tell me that once you hit the bottom the only direction you can go is up. But then, I thought..."what in the world. I can go sideways...just dragging along the bottom of my life" Haha, come'on, laugh. That was purty funny x) But anyway. Haha I'm sorry I just lost all my concentration because the image of me dragging along the bottom of the ocean in a terrible life is. Awful...but funny. Well apparently it is to other people.