So I realized that everytime I get a mean comment from someone, or if someone hurts my feelings, then I write to you guys. Soo, this is one of those times. I look on my formspring this evening, and someone posted a rather mean question to me. I just get so hurt when I get "questions" like that. Those people don't know me, they don't understand me, so they feel like they have to break me down every chance they get. It's not a Christian thing to do, and it's mean.
I do not beg for attention, I do not want people to feel sorry for me, (if you read my previous post, you would know this really well :]) And I try very hard not to be self absorbed. I asked my mom if she thought I was self absorbed, and her response was so true "You're not any more self absorbed then any other 13 or 14 year olds out there" One day, I counted how many times I used the word "I, or me" That's when I realized how selfish I could be. Try as hard as you can to put yourself in other people's shoes before you judge them, or insult them, or thing badly of them.
Thank you for letting me get that out of my system :) I love you guysss! (i really do)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
July 15th 2010
Hey guys :) So as far as the house in concerned, we've begun remodeling, and the kitchen is completely ripped apart. I took a lot of pictures..I'm going to compare the kitchen once its all done. So..tomorrow I plan on hanging out with 2 of my bestest friends, and I can't waiiittt!
I guess speaking of friends..this is the first time I'll be hanging out with friends since school let out. I haven't hung out with any of the people in my grade for a lonnngg time. Oh well. But, I will say I think I lost my best friend. She's not talking to me anymore, and I don't know why. Well actually I do, but it's kind of personal, and I don't think it'd make matters any better posting it on my blog :p What I'm trying to say is that I really really miss her. She helped me become who I am today. She was always there when I needed a friend..when I needed a hug. When I felt like bursting into tears because "it's all to hard". One look at her smile would make all that go away. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me..suddenly..she's gone. And the people in my class? They're just avoiding me..I don't know why..See this is where I start having problems. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want pity. That's the last thing I've ever wanted. I just want to be treated like a normal kid. But now, I know..that will never happen. I know, most kids have the privilege to go home and talk to their dads after school. They have that chance. Whenever something is wrong, they can have that one guy that will always be there. Honestly, I do miss being "daddys little girl"...There are so many questions I had, so many things I had to say..So many things that he will never know. He'll never see his grandchildren. He won't be able to be there for my wedding (if it'll ever happen, I doubt it will) I am misunderstood. People think they know me. But they don't..and honestly..I don't want to open myself up, because I don't TRUST. And thats a whole different story. Something I honestly can't share with you. It's really personal..and..yeah.
The other day someone told me that I'm playing games. That I'm "lamenting" over being misunderstood. That I'm being self absorbed. That I'm shrouding myself with self mystery. And those comments...those comments hurt me more than anything since 5 months ago..The reason it hurts is because my goals are to be the exact opposite of those things. And I thought to myself "If that's who you think I am...then you're judging me based on outside observations. You haven't sat down and talked to me about how I really feel...You have no idea.." I'm not going to plaster my feelings all over my formspring. Thats just..to much. Seriously. But I ask you, not just for me, but for all the other people you will ever meet. Always always find the good in people the first time you meet them. Example: New girl in school. She's kind of a nerd, she dresses differently, talks differently, and doesn't look like a model. What happens to her? She gets teased. She gets pushed around. She is judged by her outward appearance. Now here's what I try to do: She's sweet, she's smart, she's thoughtful, insightful, and cares about others...She loves Jesus. No, she doesn't look like a model, but she's prettier on the inside then all of you put together. Everyone deserves to have a first chance. Please remember that. Forgive, and forget...give second chances. You may be surprised how many more GOOD, CHRISTIAN friends you will make that way.
I guess speaking of friends..this is the first time I'll be hanging out with friends since school let out. I haven't hung out with any of the people in my grade for a lonnngg time. Oh well. But, I will say I think I lost my best friend. She's not talking to me anymore, and I don't know why. Well actually I do, but it's kind of personal, and I don't think it'd make matters any better posting it on my blog :p What I'm trying to say is that I really really miss her. She helped me become who I am today. She was always there when I needed a friend..when I needed a hug. When I felt like bursting into tears because "it's all to hard". One look at her smile would make all that go away. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me..suddenly..she's gone. And the people in my class? They're just avoiding me..I don't know why..See this is where I start having problems. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want pity. That's the last thing I've ever wanted. I just want to be treated like a normal kid. But now, I know..that will never happen. I know, most kids have the privilege to go home and talk to their dads after school. They have that chance. Whenever something is wrong, they can have that one guy that will always be there. Honestly, I do miss being "daddys little girl"...There are so many questions I had, so many things I had to say..So many things that he will never know. He'll never see his grandchildren. He won't be able to be there for my wedding (if it'll ever happen, I doubt it will) I am misunderstood. People think they know me. But they don't..and honestly..I don't want to open myself up, because I don't TRUST. And thats a whole different story. Something I honestly can't share with you. It's really personal..and..yeah.
The other day someone told me that I'm playing games. That I'm "lamenting" over being misunderstood. That I'm being self absorbed. That I'm shrouding myself with self mystery. And those comments...those comments hurt me more than anything since 5 months ago..The reason it hurts is because my goals are to be the exact opposite of those things. And I thought to myself "If that's who you think I am...then you're judging me based on outside observations. You haven't sat down and talked to me about how I really feel...You have no idea.." I'm not going to plaster my feelings all over my formspring. Thats just..to much. Seriously. But I ask you, not just for me, but for all the other people you will ever meet. Always always find the good in people the first time you meet them. Example: New girl in school. She's kind of a nerd, she dresses differently, talks differently, and doesn't look like a model. What happens to her? She gets teased. She gets pushed around. She is judged by her outward appearance. Now here's what I try to do: She's sweet, she's smart, she's thoughtful, insightful, and cares about others...She loves Jesus. No, she doesn't look like a model, but she's prettier on the inside then all of you put together. Everyone deserves to have a first chance. Please remember that. Forgive, and forget...give second chances. You may be surprised how many more GOOD, CHRISTIAN friends you will make that way.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
July 14th
Well, operation rip-apart-our house is underway! The kitchen is going to get ripped out on Thursday, the windows and the door for the sunroom are going to be installed Friday, and the door for the front of the house is being installed on Monday. Sooo thats a lot that we're getting done. My room and bathroom are going to be the first bed and bathrooms to be fixed, so I'm kinda looking forward to that, but it also means that I have to pack up my room extra fast :) I have currently lost 10 pounds since this whole thing got started..thats ok though..
Anywho...Nothing really touching to share with you guys today. I'm sure there will be something to say pretty soon. Well, I'm going to go practice guitar and then finish packing my room! :D Bye guys
<3 Lilly
Anywho...Nothing really touching to share with you guys today. I'm sure there will be something to say pretty soon. Well, I'm going to go practice guitar and then finish packing my room! :D Bye guys
<3 Lilly
Monday, July 12, 2010
July 12th
Hey guys :)
Well a number of things have gone wrong today, but that's not something I can fix right now, so I'll spare you and not complain about it. But, I will tell you this: I learned something very important today. People don't realize how valuable their lives are until something is missing. Truth is, I don't deserve the life I have right now. I truly don't. But, I am thankful to God that I am here. It's amazing. Life is amazing..and God giving me a second chance? That's beyond amazing :)
Well a number of things have gone wrong today, but that's not something I can fix right now, so I'll spare you and not complain about it. But, I will tell you this: I learned something very important today. People don't realize how valuable their lives are until something is missing. Truth is, I don't deserve the life I have right now. I truly don't. But, I am thankful to God that I am here. It's amazing. Life is amazing..and God giving me a second chance? That's beyond amazing :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
July 11th 2010
Someone just asked me if I could tell one person something that I've always wanted to tell them, what would it be and who? Here's my answer:
When I'm on the phone with you, and you ask me how I am..Sometimes I wish you could hear the pain in my voice and know that I'm really not ok.
When I'm on the phone with you, and you ask me how I am..Sometimes I wish you could hear the pain in my voice and know that I'm really not ok.
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