July 15th 2010

Hey guys :) So as far as the house in concerned, we've begun remodeling, and the kitchen is completely ripped apart. I took a lot of pictures..I'm going to compare the kitchen once its all done. So..tomorrow I plan on hanging out with 2 of my bestest friends, and I can't waiiittt!

I guess speaking of friends..this is the first time I'll be hanging out with friends since school let out. I haven't hung out with any of the people in my grade for a lonnngg time. Oh well. But, I will say I think I lost my best friend. She's not talking to me anymore, and I don't know why. Well actually I do, but it's kind of personal, and I don't think it'd make matters any better posting it on my blog :p What I'm trying to say is that I really really miss her. She helped me become who I am today. She was always there when I needed a friend..when I needed a hug. When I felt like bursting into tears because "it's all to hard". One look at her smile would make all that go away. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me..suddenly..she's gone. And the people in my class? They're just avoiding me..I don't know why..See this is where I start having problems. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want pity. That's the last thing I've ever wanted. I just want to be treated like a normal kid. But now, I know..that will never happen. I know, most kids have the privilege to go home and talk to their dads after school. They have that chance. Whenever something is wrong, they can have that one guy that will always be there. Honestly, I do miss being "daddys little girl"...There are so many questions I had, so many things I had to say..So many things that he will never know. He'll never see his grandchildren. He won't be able to be there for my wedding (if it'll ever happen, I doubt it will) I am misunderstood. People think they know me. But they don't..and honestly..I don't want to open myself up, because I don't TRUST. And thats a whole different story. Something I honestly can't share with you. It's really personal..and..yeah.

The other day someone told me that I'm playing games. That I'm "lamenting" over being misunderstood. That I'm being self absorbed. That I'm shrouding myself with self mystery. And those comments...those comments hurt me more than anything since 5 months ago..The reason it hurts is because my goals are to be the exact opposite of those things. And I thought to myself "If that's who you think I am...then you're judging me based on outside observations. You haven't sat down and talked to me about how I really feel...You have no idea.." I'm not going to plaster my feelings all over my formspring. Thats just..to much. Seriously. But I ask you, not just for me, but for all the other people you will ever meet. Always always find the good in people the first time you meet them. Example: New girl in school. She's kind of a nerd, she dresses differently, talks differently, and doesn't look like a model. What happens to her? She gets teased. She gets pushed around. She is judged by her outward appearance. Now here's what I try to do: She's sweet, she's smart, she's thoughtful, insightful, and cares about others...She loves Jesus. No, she doesn't look like a model, but she's prettier on the inside then all of you put together. Everyone deserves to have a first chance. Please remember that. Forgive, and forget...give second chances. You may be surprised how many more GOOD, CHRISTIAN friends you will make that way.