July 8th, 2010

When am I going to learn? When am I finally going to tell the truth to people about myself? When am I going to accept who I really am, and trust that people will love me all the same? Readers - Truth is. I really didn't know who I was until 5 months ago. But just now all the pieces are starting to fall together..one of my final puzzles is almost finished. I just..I'm so lost. Confused, and frustrated. God where are you? I need you...I'm broken hearted, and empty inside.

About the truth: I try to be optimistic for my friends. I try to put on a happy face. I try to be everything they need. I try SO hard not to disappoint anyone. Let me tell you - It's impossible. I can't do it. No one can. But I still try none the less. I just want to be there for all my friends. I want to be that one friend that they NEED. I want to know that I have a purpose as of now...I want to know that I'm needed. I want to know that I'm cared about. See here's the real problem - I spend most of my time trying to care about other people and make sure they're ok, and I. ME of all people get on here tonight, and I use the word "I" 28 times. When have I ever stopped and thought about "wow...if I could just stop thinking about myself and think about other people and their needs.." can you imagine...what a better place it would be? Either way. I'm not always happy. I'm actually probably the most emotionally conflicted teen you would know. In fact, I have 5 different personalities (no joke) and it's a problem..I. Just want to hear three words. And for that person to actually mean it: "I love you"

July 6th :)

Hey all! Nothing to exciting or dramatic going on at the moment! Just the plain old routine! Have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow :P NOT looking forward to it. But, It's one of those things I have to do! I will look upon this with gratitude, not attitude! (You know the bad kind ;]) So. I really don't know what to talk about. Nothing inspires me at the moment. It's been a long day today, I got to talk to my best friends pretty much 24/7, but then again, they both have phones, so they text my computer, and I just reply all normal like ;) nah, I love them. And no, I don't NEED texting, but it would be nice! Speaking of which, I'm sorry to any of my friends who have tried to call me, but, I haven't been using my phone at all lately :) heehee. Well, this is a boring post, so I guess I'll leave you for now!

Love is energy of life.-Robert Browning.

To Brooklyn :)

Brooklyn :) Hey! All you have to do to follow my blog is go into the upper left hand corner and press "follow" if that doesn't work then...well...I don't know! HAHA :D but yes, I am on blogger! I love it! :) I warn you that some of my previous posts are really sad and they even make me cry :') But I hope you enjoy it!

July 5th 2010

Hey everyone :) Well. What do I have to say? I think tonight, I just realized how easy 1)I thought living in this world would be. There was a time when I thought a single kiss would change everything. Where three words would turn my world around. When a smile would turn someone's day upside down. The mind of a child - priceless. Beautiful. Pure. Why is it that with age comes immaturity? Why is it that with age..one stops believing. Miracles don't exist. There is no such thing as love. Happy endings? Never happen. Why does this happen? Today I realized I don't believe in all that anymore. I also realized how naive I used to be. I'm sure I still am, and that's never really going to change for someone like me. A number can really turn around someone's world. Especially mine.