Why do we dislike people that are different? Why do we laugh at cripples, people that can't hear, are blind, paralyzed are just aren't very smart? What about being different do we find so amusing? If someone has the privilege of being different, then why would you want them to change? Normal is boring...
Honestly though. I was reading a couple of emails from the people who read my blog and there was one by this girl that really got my wheels turning. In essence, she described herself and asked me what she should do after explaining her situation at school and such. She said (quote) "I am the weird girl with crazy curly hair, glasses, braces, and a not-so-clear face...I get teased a lot at school and my mother thinks I should straighten my hair, wear contacts, and wear makeup. Is she right?" No, dear :) No..You're beautiful the way you are and you shouldn't try to change yourself. Yes, represent yourself, look nice. But don't loose yourself. If you're going to change, do it for the right reasons.
The next time you see the boy or girl sitting by themselves at a table eating their lunch..go over there and talk to them. Reach out. Even though you didn't realize it, you may have saved a life, or dramatically changed one.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
January 6th 2011
Hey. I guess I could say I have a lot on my mind today. There's so much running through my mind. Do I honestly have a reason to feel...depressed? Any reason to feel like my life is unfair? Sure, I have a list of things I wish were different...such as wishing I was at a different school, wishing I had more time with family. Wishing everything was different. There are a lot of things I wish for. But the thing about wishes is that they don't come true..and they never will.
When I was smaller there was so much I used to believe in. I was sure there is a God. I was sure people went to heaven when they died. I was sure I was going to be a vet when I grew up. And I was sure that no matter what my dad would always be there. But here's the thing. You can't lay out your own life because anything is subject to change. Our lives are already set out for us by a higher being. We have the option to make choices but...there's a certain lack of freedom. Whether you're bound by financial issues, family issues, personal issues or if you're my age, you live under a roof with a mother (said in a loving manner) Point being...I thought I had my life figured out and I KNEW how it was going to go. But I didn't...no one does. No one ever will. You can't just predict the future. You can't plan your life based on what you "think" or want to happen. Life doesn't happen that way.
What about love? Sure, I thought I was a princess and I've been waiting for my "Prince Charming" not really as a love figure. But more as a best friend that I can rely on for anything. I have a lot of close friends. And don't get me wrong. I appreciate them so so much. But...there are some people where you just feel a connection. You feel close to them. You feel so happy you could cry...you would do anything for them. Well I'm still looking for that person. Maybe I just need to get out more, I don't know. Part of me wants to get out and see the world, meet new people. But the other part of me wants to stay home work on my art, practice my music and shut myself alone in my room. Yes. I am happy alone. I like being alone... Most people don't understand why, but I can't answer that for them. I'll put on a happy face and I'll be overjoyed at the time to see my friends. But unfortunately most times I'd rather be home. Dreaming or working. That's another thing about me - I love busy schedules :)I love feeling overwhelmed and the feeling of helplessness I get when I see my busy schedule...I have no idea why. I just do.
As I was saying: Friends. I switched classes so now I have a different group of friends. I thought I would fit in...I thought I would be well accepted. But...I'm just not. I don't know why. I'm the odd ball. I always have been. Sometimes I like it that way, sometimes I wish people would just accept me the way I am, and sometimes I wish people would just treat me normal. I'm not dumb, I'm not unintelligent. When you make fun of me and tell me that I look weird, or that I'm stupid. Yeah. I smile, I laugh, I let you know you're not hurting me. But I have feelings to. I've just been wearing this mask for so long, I don't know how to take it off. Ask me how I am? I'm great, wonderful, I've never been better :D...
What about the people you think you know? The girl that always has a smile on her face, the one who laughs at everyone's jokes. The one you would never see crying. What if she's the one that cries herself to sleep, the one who sits on the bathroom floor crying in silence wishing her life were different. If you looked closely into her eyes you'd see the girl inside crying out for help. But are you listening? What about the girl who's nails are painted black, her eyes heavily covered with black eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara...she's been crying for days, but no one will talk to her because she's different. The girl who wears all those bracelets - she's been through so much. And she has the scars to prove it. The girl with perfectly manicured nails, skinny spidery legs...even the nail polish can't hide the blueish tinge anorexia leaves with all her victims. The freshman who acts like a jerk and a bully to everyone...is also the boy who recently lost a family member....he's also the boy that suffers from depression but is to scared to ask for help. To scared to reach out to anyone because he doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know if he can trust, and if he does, will he end up getting hurt? The boy who shows up late to class every morning. He seems happy but his eyes are tired, his smile is fake...and those bruises weren't from falling down the stairs. Keep your eyes open. Look around...the people who least look like they're in need of help are really the ones who need it the most.
When I was smaller there was so much I used to believe in. I was sure there is a God. I was sure people went to heaven when they died. I was sure I was going to be a vet when I grew up. And I was sure that no matter what my dad would always be there. But here's the thing. You can't lay out your own life because anything is subject to change. Our lives are already set out for us by a higher being. We have the option to make choices but...there's a certain lack of freedom. Whether you're bound by financial issues, family issues, personal issues or if you're my age, you live under a roof with a mother (said in a loving manner) Point being...I thought I had my life figured out and I KNEW how it was going to go. But I didn't...no one does. No one ever will. You can't just predict the future. You can't plan your life based on what you "think" or want to happen. Life doesn't happen that way.
What about love? Sure, I thought I was a princess and I've been waiting for my "Prince Charming" not really as a love figure. But more as a best friend that I can rely on for anything. I have a lot of close friends. And don't get me wrong. I appreciate them so so much. But...there are some people where you just feel a connection. You feel close to them. You feel so happy you could cry...you would do anything for them. Well I'm still looking for that person. Maybe I just need to get out more, I don't know. Part of me wants to get out and see the world, meet new people. But the other part of me wants to stay home work on my art, practice my music and shut myself alone in my room. Yes. I am happy alone. I like being alone... Most people don't understand why, but I can't answer that for them. I'll put on a happy face and I'll be overjoyed at the time to see my friends. But unfortunately most times I'd rather be home. Dreaming or working. That's another thing about me - I love busy schedules :)I love feeling overwhelmed and the feeling of helplessness I get when I see my busy schedule...I have no idea why. I just do.
As I was saying: Friends. I switched classes so now I have a different group of friends. I thought I would fit in...I thought I would be well accepted. But...I'm just not. I don't know why. I'm the odd ball. I always have been. Sometimes I like it that way, sometimes I wish people would just accept me the way I am, and sometimes I wish people would just treat me normal. I'm not dumb, I'm not unintelligent. When you make fun of me and tell me that I look weird, or that I'm stupid. Yeah. I smile, I laugh, I let you know you're not hurting me. But I have feelings to. I've just been wearing this mask for so long, I don't know how to take it off. Ask me how I am? I'm great, wonderful, I've never been better :D...
What about the people you think you know? The girl that always has a smile on her face, the one who laughs at everyone's jokes. The one you would never see crying. What if she's the one that cries herself to sleep, the one who sits on the bathroom floor crying in silence wishing her life were different. If you looked closely into her eyes you'd see the girl inside crying out for help. But are you listening? What about the girl who's nails are painted black, her eyes heavily covered with black eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara...she's been crying for days, but no one will talk to her because she's different. The girl who wears all those bracelets - she's been through so much. And she has the scars to prove it. The girl with perfectly manicured nails, skinny spidery legs...even the nail polish can't hide the blueish tinge anorexia leaves with all her victims. The freshman who acts like a jerk and a bully to everyone...is also the boy who recently lost a family member....he's also the boy that suffers from depression but is to scared to ask for help. To scared to reach out to anyone because he doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know if he can trust, and if he does, will he end up getting hurt? The boy who shows up late to class every morning. He seems happy but his eyes are tired, his smile is fake...and those bruises weren't from falling down the stairs. Keep your eyes open. Look around...the people who least look like they're in need of help are really the ones who need it the most.
Friday, December 31, 2010
January 1, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Since I really don't know how to start this out, I'll just begin by explaining what my New Year started out as:
All crowded around the TV, the ending to 2012 popped op on our screen. I hurriedly looked down at the clock waiting eagerly for the moment when we could welcome the New Year. I looked around the room suddenly noticing that my mom and brother had moved out across the garage into the office. The explanation was so John and I could be enrolled immediately and get our electives for classes in. Letting out a sigh I slowly started out to the office however in a moments time I realized two of our family members weren't going to start the New Year with my brother and my mom. I ran into my room and pulled on my fuzzy boots thinking I couldn't get them on fast enough. I bolted out the back door and to the crate where my furry companion (Binky) was being sadly detained. "Here Binky, here boy, com'on, 2011 is almost here!" I could see my breath in the air as I waited for Binky to step outside of his crate. Together we scrambled through the door, barely closing it...As I was quickly passing through the family room I snatched Snickers of the couch and made my way to the office where I saw my mom and brother both on the computers waiting for January 1st. I set both dogs down and smiled to myself "My family...we made it. We made it. I miss you dad, and I wish we could all be together right now" "WAIT A MINUTE" I heard my mom exclaim "How'd they get in here?!" "Well" I stammered "I thought we should start out the New Year right, as a family" "You're right Lil" my brother cut in.
I sat down in the silence waiting. Finally. 12:00 "HAPPY NEW YEARS!!" I jumped up my arms in the air, legs apart, my mouth wide open waiting for a response. Seconds passed. I slowly put my arms down, closed my mouth and walked towards my mom. "Mom, Happy New Year.." "Mhhhmm..." Mom just kept staring at the computer waiting for re enrollment links. I looked at the floor and laughed to myself. "My family..." I paused and looked around realizing nothing more interesting was going to happen. "Com'on Binkers, we're going to bed" We walked out together Binky trotting a little bit ahead of me. I looked around the room. This year had gone so fast. Seems like yesterday was New Years.
Slowly walking into my room I smiled...Indeed, I'm starting the New Year with my head up, a smile on my face, and a whole lot of anticipation for what this year has to bring.
All crowded around the TV, the ending to 2012 popped op on our screen. I hurriedly looked down at the clock waiting eagerly for the moment when we could welcome the New Year. I looked around the room suddenly noticing that my mom and brother had moved out across the garage into the office. The explanation was so John and I could be enrolled immediately and get our electives for classes in. Letting out a sigh I slowly started out to the office however in a moments time I realized two of our family members weren't going to start the New Year with my brother and my mom. I ran into my room and pulled on my fuzzy boots thinking I couldn't get them on fast enough. I bolted out the back door and to the crate where my furry companion (Binky) was being sadly detained. "Here Binky, here boy, com'on, 2011 is almost here!" I could see my breath in the air as I waited for Binky to step outside of his crate. Together we scrambled through the door, barely closing it...As I was quickly passing through the family room I snatched Snickers of the couch and made my way to the office where I saw my mom and brother both on the computers waiting for January 1st. I set both dogs down and smiled to myself "My family...we made it. We made it. I miss you dad, and I wish we could all be together right now" "WAIT A MINUTE" I heard my mom exclaim "How'd they get in here?!" "Well" I stammered "I thought we should start out the New Year right, as a family" "You're right Lil" my brother cut in.
I sat down in the silence waiting. Finally. 12:00 "HAPPY NEW YEARS!!" I jumped up my arms in the air, legs apart, my mouth wide open waiting for a response. Seconds passed. I slowly put my arms down, closed my mouth and walked towards my mom. "Mom, Happy New Year.." "Mhhhmm..." Mom just kept staring at the computer waiting for re enrollment links. I looked at the floor and laughed to myself. "My family..." I paused and looked around realizing nothing more interesting was going to happen. "Com'on Binkers, we're going to bed" We walked out together Binky trotting a little bit ahead of me. I looked around the room. This year had gone so fast. Seems like yesterday was New Years.
Slowly walking into my room I smiled...Indeed, I'm starting the New Year with my head up, a smile on my face, and a whole lot of anticipation for what this year has to bring.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
December 26th
Hey..can't sleep again. *sigh* Ohh well. Lately I've had a lot of questions. Not about anything "normal" or "regular". Just questions about me I guess. Like why am I so against talking to people about how I feel? Or why can't I open up to my own family? There's just..a lot out there that I have to say but it would take HOURS to try to explain it to everyone. Or anyone for that matter. And I do believe I'm going crazy for real :p Either that or I'm bipolar. Maybe multiple personality disorder? Or am I just two faced...oh. Got it. I'm just a really good actress.
One of my closest friends told me I've changed a lot. And I know I have..I just didn't want to admit it. Like the fact I don't tell anyone anything anymore. If I'm hurting, I won't tell you. I talk in riddles. I don't make everything crystal clear anymore. The only the that's almost the same: I almost always smile. But how many people realize I'm not really smiling?
The same friend asked me why I like wearing waterproof makeup all the time. I looked her in the eyes and thought to myself "Good. It's working"
But see..I would never tell her that. I wouldn't know how, and I wouldn't want her worrying about me. The other day I was in the girls bathroom at school and I had been crying (before school started) and she came in and saw me. MOST embarrassing moment of my life. Really. I promised 3 years ago that I would NEVER cry in front of my friends. Why? Because how can I encourage them to be strong if I can't? How can I be the shoulder to cry on if I'm crying to? I just..I don't know. Crying isn't really my "thing" anyway so. Yeah :) Hopefully she's forgotten about the whole thing :p
One of my closest friends told me I've changed a lot. And I know I have..I just didn't want to admit it. Like the fact I don't tell anyone anything anymore. If I'm hurting, I won't tell you. I talk in riddles. I don't make everything crystal clear anymore. The only the that's almost the same: I almost always smile. But how many people realize I'm not really smiling?
The same friend asked me why I like wearing waterproof makeup all the time. I looked her in the eyes and thought to myself "Good. It's working"
But see..I would never tell her that. I wouldn't know how, and I wouldn't want her worrying about me. The other day I was in the girls bathroom at school and I had been crying (before school started) and she came in and saw me. MOST embarrassing moment of my life. Really. I promised 3 years ago that I would NEVER cry in front of my friends. Why? Because how can I encourage them to be strong if I can't? How can I be the shoulder to cry on if I'm crying to? I just..I don't know. Crying isn't really my "thing" anyway so. Yeah :) Hopefully she's forgotten about the whole thing :p
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