Sometimes it's nice to think you're not like everyone else. To look in the mirror and SEE that you're different. But other times it's the most wretched thing in the world, because sometimes being different...means being alone.
What makes someone strong? I'm not talking about the physical kind of strength. I mean emotionally. Is it trust? Faith? Love? Perhaps all three? Or should the question be what makes someone weak? Hurt, pain, fear? Perfect Love casts out all fear, therefore, logically, I can conclude that perfect Love would also "cast out" weakness. But then I can also see that fear is only part of weakness. How do you cast out pain and hurt? Many ask the question, but no one seems to know the answer. How can someone go through a world of hurt, but still love, trust, or believe? How can someone go through that and still remain the same? The answer is quite simple - it's not possible. Or is it?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
July 16, 2011
I'm still living in the past. I'm still tracing my tracks. I'm still angry and maybe a little depressed. Underneath that I know who I actually am, and I WILL NOT change for ANYBODY. I know every lie you've told me. Every time you looked me in the eyes and promised something, and didn't mean it,every minute you spent pretending to be somebody you're not? I don't care. But please...leave me be. I've been broken down to my last bit of strength. I'm tired of all the lies, all the acts, all the insincerity. I just want the truth. I want what's real. I want real love, real people, I want people to be genuine with me. Am I asking to much? I just want one answer. I've been asking this same question for the past year and a half - WHY. Does anybody know. Is anyone listening? WHY have I been left behind. WHY am I being ignored? WHY can't anyone hear my screams for help? God....WHY have you left me?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
May 10th 2011
Hey everyone :) So tomorrow is my last day of school. Boy...mixed feelings. Next year is going to be really weird and I don't know if I can handle it. But I'm also really excited cuz I've been waiting for highschool all my life...just kidding. I've been waiting to get married all my life but...I'm not so sure about that anymore, and seeing as I'm not married, the whole highschool thing comes first ;)
So anyway. Today I was outside my house and I decided to have a conversation with my imaginary friend. Went pretty well...but I kinda realized that I don't trust. I don't really trust anyone. And that's really bad...cuz...doesn't everyone have at least one person they trust with everything? I mean I have a few friends I'll tell everything to, and I do trust they won't tell anyone, but with things like my LIFE I'm not sure I could trust them. Or someone else's life. Like a best friend? Now I completely lost my train of thought. Either way. Did Job trust God when he hit a rough spot? I've just got to know because...I've had doubts. In the past...now and probably in the future. But is it ok to doubt? Is it ok not to trust the one thing you SHOULD trust with everything?
So anyway. Today I was outside my house and I decided to have a conversation with my imaginary friend. Went pretty well...but I kinda realized that I don't trust. I don't really trust anyone. And that's really bad...cuz...doesn't everyone have at least one person they trust with everything? I mean I have a few friends I'll tell everything to, and I do trust they won't tell anyone, but with things like my LIFE I'm not sure I could trust them. Or someone else's life. Like a best friend? Now I completely lost my train of thought. Either way. Did Job trust God when he hit a rough spot? I've just got to know because...I've had doubts. In the past...now and probably in the future. But is it ok to doubt? Is it ok not to trust the one thing you SHOULD trust with everything?
Sunday, May 8, 2011
May 9th 2011
Heyy everyone :) Nice to...well I can't literally see you so never mind. But I am glad to be writing right now :)
Question: How can you tell when people are being real with you? PARTICULARLY guys. Sorry I'm singling you out but in all seriousness. I can't tell anymore. Further explanation - oh geez I don't even know how to explain it. I've lost most of my ability to "read" people which makes everything so much harder for me to understand :| Boo...
So anywho. My Cali vacation was great, especially getting to see my cousins and my great aunt Mary. She's really a nice lady :)) I'm really sad we didn't get to stay/see them very long, it was all to short.
Though the location was great, I will admit there were quite a few creepers, if you know what I mean. Sadly, there are also a lot of homeless people :( I don't understand...Ah once again, I can't explain how I feel. But I just feel really selfish when I complain all the time and then I go to California and some of these people don't even have a pair of shoes. They just...take it one day at a time and hope they can get enough money for their next meal. I would love to give them money and such (which I will admit I caved to a little old lady, the reason shouldn't be questioned I mean ITS A LITTLE OLD LADY) but as my teacher used to say "give em a fish you'll keep them fed, teach them to fish, they'll learn to live" and it's pretty true. Unfortunately I can't get out there and teach em how to "fish".
Question: How can you tell when people are being real with you? PARTICULARLY guys. Sorry I'm singling you out but in all seriousness. I can't tell anymore. Further explanation - oh geez I don't even know how to explain it. I've lost most of my ability to "read" people which makes everything so much harder for me to understand :| Boo...
So anywho. My Cali vacation was great, especially getting to see my cousins and my great aunt Mary. She's really a nice lady :)) I'm really sad we didn't get to stay/see them very long, it was all to short.
Though the location was great, I will admit there were quite a few creepers, if you know what I mean. Sadly, there are also a lot of homeless people :( I don't understand...Ah once again, I can't explain how I feel. But I just feel really selfish when I complain all the time and then I go to California and some of these people don't even have a pair of shoes. They just...take it one day at a time and hope they can get enough money for their next meal. I would love to give them money and such (which I will admit I caved to a little old lady, the reason shouldn't be questioned I mean ITS A LITTLE OLD LADY) but as my teacher used to say "give em a fish you'll keep them fed, teach them to fish, they'll learn to live" and it's pretty true. Unfortunately I can't get out there and teach em how to "fish".
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