Hello...I'm feeling sad right now. I really miss my dad...I just have this feeling of "where is my hope" "why am I here" "why was I adopted only to loose my dad...why did I loose one parent...only to loose another?" I just really makes no sense to me. Here I sit, crying tears unspoken of...tears I don't want anyone to know about. When I cry, I don't want anyone to know...The thoughts that are going through my mind right now aren't really..."why me" thoughts, but just thoughts of...why do I even bother getting out of bed in the morning..? What's the point. Who out there cares enough to just hold me close, and say "Lilly, I care about you...I love you...you have to be strong and keep going" Some tell me that I'm to brave sometimes. But...I really don't see how that's possible. I'm not brave enough to think about the fact that my dad's actually gone. I'm not brave enough to look at his face...to look at pictures of him. I just miss him. There's this empty feeling in my life that I don't think I can ever fill again. It's a feeling that's really hard to describe.
Well...I'm to sad to continue really...so I'll talk to you later....
Your hope is found in Christ. Your hope is in that day when your body is no more and you open your eyes to see your father, smiling and holding his arms open and waiting for your.
ReplyDeleteYou are here because God wanted you to be. Because when He finished designing the last of your black curls, He nodded and said, "This is good. I love who I have made." You are here because we need you. There are people who care about you, who love you, who would die if you died. And you get out of bed because of them. You force yourself through another day because you know that your father is not in hell, not in some arbitrary place no one can see, but in heaven. In eternal glory. In the presence of the One who formed you.
That's hard to believe now. It's hard for me to believe. But when I read your words, I know it is true.
Now is not the time to be strong, Lilly. Now is the time to be weak and vulnerable and open, so that we who love you can see the pain and be touched and take in you in our arms, and pour out the love of Christ onto you. To tell you that we care passionately about you. To say when your tears fall, "I can never take away those tears, Lilly; I can never fill that hole, but I can cry with you. I can be here."
Oh, my friend, we cannot begin to imagine your pain. This is a pain that can't be healed with a smile and a few words. This is a pain that can only be soothed by our Savior. When nobody understands your tears, when the person you need the most isn't there, when all you want to do is hide under the covers and never wake up again, look to the hills and call, "Jesus, where are You? I need You." And He will come.