January 21 2011

Sometime you feel like you've got no where to go and nothing's right. There's so much that can go on in a persons life. But that's when you need to stop, take a deep breath and realize that everything will eventually work itself out. When you feel like there's no hope...look up. There's always a shinning light.

January 20 2011

Hey all. I've finally realized that when I sit down to write in my blog...it's never that I'm at a loss for words, or don't know what to say...it's that I can't bring myself to say what I'm really thinking. I can't tell all my secrets, thoughts, wishes, or emotional needs. Actually I'll probably never tell anyone any of those things. But to all the mothers fathers sons and daughters out there who are having problems with anything - You need to find someone to talk about it to. Any load that you're carrying will seem so much lighter when someone else is helping you carry it.

I wish I could wake up and realize it was all just a dream.

January 19 , 2011

You ever get that feeling when everyone is laughing and having a good time...and you're just wanting to run away and cry? The people around you are carefree and you can't seem to smile? Ever had those times where you feel like everything has been taken away from you and yet no one else seems to realize it. People may seem fine. Sure, they'll show up (to wherever) and act like they're having a great time, but they're not. Really they just want you to think they are because they don't want others to stress about them and what they're thinking.

The hardest part of life is breaking through that stage and finding who you truly are...

January 17, 2011

I am wearing a mask. On the mask, you see happiness, care free attitude, and full trust that everything is ok. I've been wearing this mask for about 3 years. I've gotten to the point where I don't even know how to take it off. I'm scared to take it off because I'm afraid of what people will do/ think. I'm afraid to face my friends/family without a mask on. I'm afraid I won't know what to do. I know my world will be upside down if I don't go to school with a big smile on my face, laugh at everyone's jokes, and step in to help everyone. It works. I don't want anything to change. I'd rather keep my mask on. I'd rather walk around with it so everything will be in balance. Everyone else can believe what they want to, they'll be happy, and they won't have to fix anything...I don't want to loose myself. Which is what will happen if I take it off.

..I could be anything, but I don't know what to believe in, I've got the world before me if I could only show you....I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can say or do that won't break me in two?

January 17, 2011

Is it entertaining? Is it amusing...? Do you enjoy sitting up there looking down on me..?

It's 4:00 in the morning. No sleep. I toss, I turn. I stay up thinking about way to much...and now I can't sleep. This has been going on to long. I can't handle this. There's so much I can't do or say. I've reached the point where I'm absolutely sure I've lost my mind. Everything's wrong...if I could run I would. But I can't. Because no matter where I run, everything's going to follow me. I feel like I've been playing "Pin the tail on the donkey" with life. But now the tail is stuck, and there's no way to take it off. It's always going to be there. And I'll have to live with it. But everyone else is dealing with their tails that I feel bad if I ask for help with mine. I can walk around like I don't have a tail. But no matter how much I pretend it's not there, I would love to chase it and grab it and throw it off a cliff...

It's ok though. Because I'm going to wake up soon. :) And everything is going to be ok. I'm going to be ok. Everyone will be fine. Just gotta wake up...