January 1, 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Since I really don't know how to start this out, I'll just begin by explaining what my New Year started out as:

All crowded around the TV, the ending to 2012 popped op on our screen. I hurriedly looked down at the clock waiting eagerly for the moment when we could welcome the New Year. I looked around the room suddenly noticing that my mom and brother had moved out across the garage into the office. The explanation was so John and I could be enrolled immediately and get our electives for classes in. Letting out a sigh I slowly started out to the office however in a moments time I realized two of our family members weren't going to start the New Year with my brother and my mom. I ran into my room and pulled on my fuzzy boots thinking I couldn't get them on fast enough. I bolted out the back door and to the crate where my furry companion (Binky) was being sadly detained. "Here Binky, here boy, com'on, 2011 is almost here!" I could see my breath in the air as I waited for Binky to step outside of his crate. Together we scrambled through the door, barely closing it...As I was quickly passing through the family room I snatched Snickers of the couch and made my way to the office where I saw my mom and brother both on the computers waiting for January 1st. I set both dogs down and smiled to myself "My family...we made it. We made it. I miss you dad, and I wish we could all be together right now" "WAIT A MINUTE" I heard my mom exclaim "How'd they get in here?!" "Well" I stammered "I thought we should start out the New Year right, as a family" "You're right Lil" my brother cut in.

I sat down in the silence waiting. Finally. 12:00 "HAPPY NEW YEARS!!" I jumped up my arms in the air, legs apart, my mouth wide open waiting for a response. Seconds passed. I slowly put my arms down, closed my mouth and walked towards my mom. "Mom, Happy New Year.." "Mhhhmm..." Mom just kept staring at the computer waiting for re enrollment links. I looked at the floor and laughed to myself. "My family..." I paused and looked around realizing nothing more interesting was going to happen. "Com'on Binkers, we're going to bed" We walked out together Binky trotting a little bit ahead of me. I looked around the room. This year had gone so fast. Seems like yesterday was New Years.

Slowly walking into my room I smiled...Indeed, I'm starting the New Year with my head up, a smile on my face, and a whole lot of anticipation for what this year has to bring.

December 26th

Hey..can't sleep again. *sigh* Ohh well. Lately I've had a lot of questions. Not about anything "normal" or "regular". Just questions about me I guess. Like why am I so against talking to people about how I feel? Or why can't I open up to my own family? There's just..a lot out there that I have to say but it would take HOURS to try to explain it to everyone. Or anyone for that matter. And I do believe I'm going crazy for real :p Either that or I'm bipolar. Maybe multiple personality disorder? Or am I just two faced...oh. Got it. I'm just a really good actress.

One of my closest friends told me I've changed a lot. And I know I have..I just didn't want to admit it. Like the fact I don't tell anyone anything anymore. If I'm hurting, I won't tell you. I talk in riddles. I don't make everything crystal clear anymore. The only the that's almost the same: I almost always smile. But how many people realize I'm not really smiling?
The same friend asked me why I like wearing waterproof makeup all the time. I looked her in the eyes and thought to myself "Good. It's working"

But see..I would never tell her that. I wouldn't know how, and I wouldn't want her worrying about me. The other day I was in the girls bathroom at school and I had been crying (before school started) and she came in and saw me. MOST embarrassing moment of my life. Really. I promised 3 years ago that I would NEVER cry in front of my friends. Why? Because how can I encourage them to be strong if I can't? How can I be the shoulder to cry on if I'm crying to? I just..I don't know. Crying isn't really my "thing" anyway so. Yeah :) Hopefully she's forgotten about the whole thing :p

December 25th (ANNIVERSARY)

Hey! It's my first year that I've been blogging!

I guess I'll start off by saying that today was amazing. It was everything I hoped for and more. I recently wrote a song..one of the lines was talking about how everything was ok, but "this year I'm really wishin' dad was here". I remember last year everything was falling apart, but I had my best friend Alanna, my other best friend Enosh and others who are well remembered and loved. Most of all I had family. You know it's kind of weird, I keep trying to convince others that I'm "fine" but I'm still not convinced yet. Anyway..

I'm sitting here in my room, I can't fall asleep, and I'm reading through some old notes while listening to "these little wonders" boy does that song bring back memories..

..SO how was your Christmas everyone? Great, I hope :)

Hope ya'll have a happy New Year..night.

December 9th, 2010

Dad:
The night before you died I held your hand and told you my biggest fear...I knew you were sleeping and I knew you were never going to open your eyes to me again. I knew you weren't gunna make it past Wednesday. I told you I was afraid I would forget. I was afraid others would forget. I made many promises that I've tried very hard to keep. Dad...this morning as I was doing my homework I saw your picture and I tried to remember you. Dad I'm so so sorry I can't remember your laugh and I can't remember how you talked to me. Please, God, please I can't forget him...I can't let go. Not yet.

Dad, just as the tears are running down my cheeks and just as I can't breathe and just as there's a pain in my chest: I remember you were the greatest man I've ever known. I remember I loved you so so much. I remember that you loved your family as much as life itself. I miss you dad...and I love you.

Hey there everyone.. It's really late on a school night and for some reason I can't sleep. I have something to say..but I just don't know how to say it. Everyone: I'm sorry if I've been mean, ignorant, pushy, bossy, passive, secretive or anything else you can possibly think of. I've been told how different I am now, and I'm not entirely sure of what that means but yeah, last year I guess I was "bright, cheerful, inspiring, and confident" but now I'm not sure what I am.

God, if I screamed at the top of my lungs would you hear me?
God, if I asked for a light would you give it?
Brother, if I needed help...would you help me?
Mother, if I was in trouble would you save me?
Friend: If I was curled up crying in pain on the floor...would you comfort me?

Most of my friends think they understand me completely..I wish that were true..because maybe then they could tell me what's going on. I don't know anymore. I'm in over my head. I say God help me. But I can't let go of the thread I'm hanging onto and I'm still 1000 feet off the ground. Why can't I let go? What's so good about what I feel now that I don't want to go back to what I was? Or was there something about who I was I don't want anymore?

I miss being always incredibly happy...I miss walking into the doors of the school seeing all my friends and just being in pure bliss...I would look around and I would have this HUGE smile on my face because everyone was just so..beautiful. Everyone had everything they needed. Everyone was happy. Now I look around I don't see the "beautiful" in everyone, I know not everyone has what the need, I know not everyone is happy. Maybe a dramatic experience has let me know how the world really is, but honestly (and sadly) if that's all I can get from a dramatic experience then I wish I was still naive. Yes I was ignorant. But I was happy...I was so happy..

November 12, 2010

SO I just realized we only have one more week until we get a break for thanksgiving! YAY :D The break is only one week long, but at least it's something right? It'll be nice to have some time off to spend with my family, it seems we haven't spent time together for a long while. What are you guys planning on doing with your family/friends for thanksgiving??

Oh, and another thing! It's approaching the time where I've been blogging for a year! I'm not sure what I'll do for that...probably nothing. But it'll be pretty monumental that I've stuck with a journal for...that long. Except for my 6th grade journal that our homeroom teacher made us write..But see nothing was happening at the time, so...There really wasn't anything meaningful in there :p So nothing really important to talk about today. Oh, but there is something really funny that happened yesterday..

So my mom and I were in the grocery store yesterday and we were walking through a kind of thin isle, and my mom knocked over some kind of "display box", which spilled at least 100 spices all over the floor. She looked at me in panic and I just said "Walk away, WALK AWAY"
... unfortunately she dropped her keys at our "crime scene" so..we didn't cover up to well.

November 10, 2010

Hey buddies :) I'm back, hopefully a little more collected then before. I just realized...Life is a whole lot easier when I'm able to get out and forget about everything. It's hard to explain but, if you're a full time mom, busy student, or a dad with a hectic life, I think you'll know what I mean. Most of the time I'm happier when I'm alone or out of the house (all the time, I really do hate being at home). Most people have been telling me that I used to be really bubbly and happy, and totally off the wall, but now I'm just there. First of all "Ghee thanks guys" and second of all. That's something rather hard to explain (again) But it could be worse. A couple of my friends witnessed me crying in the girls bathroom the other day, and I'm so sorry... unfortunately I can't say that's something that doesn't happen on a regular basis. I can go through the whole day with fake smiles and laughs, but...I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to fake happiness. Because like I said, happiness is a gift, and, right now it's not something I can find. It's true, I do feel selfish, and like a jerk because I'm not mature enough to look around and see I'm already blessed enough to have what I do, I'm not mature enough to see that even though this is happening, I've still got the one thing that matters the most. I've got God. And I've got a family...I wish I had a reason to feel the way I do, then I wouldn't feel bad for it.

Jeremiah 29:11
Thank you so much for the life I have...


I've got a broken heart
I've got a broken smile
Yep, I've been lyin all the while

November 8, 2010

I know I haven't written in a long time, but.. a lot has happened lately. Boy, life sure does have a lot of drama when I'm only 14. School is ok, but it's really hard. Like I said I'm not really fitting in like I thought I would. The materials are also pretty difficult for me, I'm just not understanding what I should. It's really hard to explain. There's just so much for me to say, so much for me to tell, but I feel like I can't tell anyone or let anyone know how I feel. And it's not because I know them really well, or because I'm close to them, it's just because I CAN'T and I mean literally can't tell anyone what I feel. It's like I write them all down and stick them in a box and lock it up. I guess my way of escaping from it all is writing songs, coming up with sayings...

theres so much I want to do, but can't. So much I want to say, but can't, so much I want to happen, but I know never will.

October 11th 2010

Hey guys, sorry I haven't written in a long long time...I've had a lot on my mind. But..I guess you already knew that. I haven't been doing badly but I haven't been awesome either. Just..one of my friends. I love him to death, but every time I see him, it kills me inside. I can't explain it, although some of you already knew cuz I told you :) But. I'm not gunna go into a lot of detail about that.

So. School: I've got awesome grades, but..I'm just not fitting in the way I thought I would. It's almost like I'm invisible.. :(

.....I REALLY MISS MY FRIENDDD :''(

September 22, 2010

...and the worst part: i know it's not anywhere near over.

September 6th 2010

Hey guys! I know I haven't written in forever, but, I've been really busy with school and such. SO. Last night, I thought of something I really want everyone to think hard on. And the way I'll tell this is by telling a story. So here it goes:

Every couple months, I go to get my eyebrows redone. (Girls, you understand this, guys...not so much). Last night, I was staring at myself in the mirror thinking "Wow..I really need to get my eyebrows redone...but, problem is, every time I do that, it doesn't look natural. I wish they would make it look just a LITTLE flawed so that it'd look natural." Then, the thought came to me. Girls wear makeup, like cover up, blush, mascara, eye liner, eye shadow. Tons of makeup. Why? To cover up our flaws. But here's what I want you to think about: Our flaws are EXACTLY what makes us WHO we are. If we all looked like those photo shopped images of girls in magazines, there wouldn't be any individuality, no..realness. Everyone would be fake. And that's not the way God made us at all. He created us to make choices, to make mistakes...to mess up a few times. But overall, we learn a couple things along the way...

So there's a group of girls standing in one part of the gym. They're the popular crowd. The crowd every girl wants to be part of. Why? To be accepted. Well, whats wrong with that you ask? You'd have to change yourself and what you do to be accepted into their little "pack". And what I'm trying to say in this story is not only be who you are, but don't be someone based on what or who you're influenced by, because that just isn't you.

You get what I'm trying to say here? I hope so :) I'm unique, I'm really different. Sometimes I like to dress differently, yes, I love dancing around stores singing random songs, running up to that random girl who's staring at herself in the bathroom mirror and saying "You look gorgeous, don't worry, I promise". Yes, I have 7 different people (imaginary to you, real to me) with different names and personalties that I talk to everyday. I wear different clothes, I wear outfits that totally don't match, I love dancing in the rain. I love playing with sand, and dirt..And I love climbing trees to read books. Yeah, I may seem like a nut case...but at least I'm no average nut case..I'm just a different one :)

August 16th 2010

Well first of all, the house is coming great! I can't unpack anything in my room though, because theres no where to put it :p Ah well. But the floors are in and the bathrooms are finished. Well. almost finished. Just a couple more plumbing issues to take care of. then, we have to get the gas line going to our cook top rewired, other then that, theres almost nothing left. OH! WAIT the painters have to touch ups on some of the walls, cuz some of them got banged up. Not to mention our gutter, which got smashed by a worker. Oh, and the front door, one of the side light windows was totally shattered, so we have to replace the whole front door again! WHICH is BRAND new! It's only 4 weeks old :(. * dramatically* It was so young :'(

My mom bought herself a puppy a couple days ago! it's soooo cute! :D I love him :)) His name is Snickers, and he's adorable.

I'm..I'm just depressed and angry and lost and confused. My life just isn't going that great I guess. Typical teenage line: I feel like no one understands me. And, it's true. Well, at least I want to make myself believe it is..Lately, I've been writing a lot of songs to express the way I feel, but, I don't show them to anybody because..I'm nervous? Afraid of what they'll say? Yup! But, I would like to share one of them with you :)

My Miracle

The tears began on Monday night
I walked through the door of daddys room, oh what a sight
His eyes slowly opened, "Who are you" his voice began
I swallowed hard trying to keep back the tears
I dropped my bag and went to his bed
I opened my mouth and slowly said
"Daddy its me, your little girl"
it hurt so much to see him this way
I held his hand and whispered "I missed you a lot today"
He looked me, the tears in his eyes
"I hope you know I love you very much.."
After a pause he quietly said
"Baby girl, I'm almost there, I can see Gods face"
I sat down and brushed away a curl, I talked to him about my day and such..
He closed his eyes and drifted away
I lifted my face and started to pray

"Daddy don't leave me,
Please don't go,
We still need you, can't you see?"
I let him go, I walked away
I laid down in bed that night hoping for a miracle.

i went to school next day, I could hardly concentrate
Friends crowded 'round, handed me a card and said " Sorry this is so late"
I pushed through the rest of the day eager to get away
I walked into my house, mom rushed to me, she looked as if her heart were broke
"Honey, dear, daddys had a stroke, I don't believe he'll ever wake again
He can hear you, please go and talk to him"

I went in his room, looked at the floor,
I held his hand and said "I love you" once more.
I leaned over, gave him a kiss,
and thought of all the things he'd miss.

Dad I'll miss your smile, your warm embrace
I'll miss those twinkling eyes that shined like the stars above
But most of all, I'll miss the expressions of your love

Daddy don't leave me,
please don't go,
We still need you, can't you see?
I let him go, I walked away
I laid down in bed that night begging for a miracle

Wednesday morning I went to school
I got a call, i walked outside
I took a breath just to say "hello"
"Baby its me, your daddys gone
Don't worry now, I'll take care of you and John"

..I let him go, I walked away,
I prayed for a miracle, and now I know
Even though he had to go
He was my miracle.. everyday

August 9th 2010

Our house is coming along great! I'm finally starting to make some sense out of all the mess :D As soon as the dust is cleared, and the rubble is out of our driveway, I'll probably invite a few friends over :p. Maybe have a pool part, or something fun like that, what do you think? Mom is getting excited about the house, which I'm really glad to see..she's been so stressed lately with the house, and school starting for her tomorrow. I just wish she had more time to sit down and relax and enjoy any free time! But I guess life as a teacher isn't like that..Oh well, I'll be sure to do something extra special for her over Spring and Christmas break.

Soo..I have a lot of dreams about my childhood, many of them are "visions" not really dreams..those of you that are my really close friends would know about my visions :) Anyhow..last night, I am afraid to admit, I had a complete emotional break down, involving me crying for 45 minutes, and talking to a picture of my dad..i guess the worst part is that three or four years ago, I never would have suspected my life being like this. I just wish I had treasured the time that I had with my dad..instead of going out all the time, and being everywhere BUT where my dad was. I just really miss him..I don't know how else to get that out of my system other then telling it here..Please forgive me.

August 3 2010

So, school starts in a couple weeks! Mom has to start going to school next week..to tell you the truth, I am extremely excited to go back to school :) I've been waiting for like a month to get back. I'm so weird like that. I can't wait to get out of school, then I can't wait to get back..I guess the part that gives me butterflys is the first day..I don't know what to expect, and I'm worred that I won't get the material. Well..this year that won't happen. So, I'm excited. The only thing I'm NOT looking forward to is mom waking me up at 6:00 everymorning. :/ Ohhh welll :) I'll get used to it soon enough.

Our house is slowly beginning to take shape again. I'm also really excited about that (I've been really happy lately, if you hadn't noticed.) I need to raise money somehow to buy a bed, and some more furniture for my room...And I also need to buy a computer..grrr..so many things require money : / things I neeeddddd..

AT LEAST LOVE FROM JESUS IS FREEEE!! :D

Anywho. Still living at friends house. We go and visit our real house every now and then to see how everything is going. There's this one family going to our church who isn't doing so well, so I thought, since we're getting a new refirdgerator, it'd be a good idea to give them ours :) So today I cleaned it out, washed the outside to make it presentable, ect. I can't wait to give it to them :)


The only thing I EXTREMELY MISS is 1) my dad (I've been missing him a lot lately, I don't know why. I just can't believe he's gone..) I wish he was here to see what the house looks like. But then, I think, he's got a better view from where he is :')

AND 2), I miss talking to my best friend (Alanna)..I don't know if she's on vacation or something, but we haven't talked in a LONG time. I guess she's probably really busy or something..

I've been there, ya I know how it feels, to wonder if love is even real..

When you feel like you're all alone, just like your best friend up and gone, don't worry now..its gunna be ok.

It's amazing how you can have all the friends in the world and still be the lonliest person in the world.

You don't know how it feels to be outside the crowd, and you don't know what it feels to be your own best friend on the outside looking in.

I'm sick of wasting my time, you don't know anything about me, the things that you say, you may think I never hear about them, but word travels fast, and I'm telling you to your face, I'm standing here behind your back.

You've been all wrong, I'm not who you think I am, you've never given ME a chance.

I've always been there, I've always cared, did you do the same for me? I'm here, I believe in second chances, No matter WHAT you do, I will ALWAYS love you.

July 29th 2010

Lately I've been having a lot of flashbacks about my life as a little kid,and when we first moved to Texas ect..but mostly all the memories are of me and my dad. I can see him, I can hear him. But one thing I can't do is hold him tight and tell him "I love you dad".
I never saw this coming..any of it. I always thought he was going to be there. I always thought that if something went wrong, if I was picked on, if I was having a bad day, I could always go to my dad, and he'd be there.
He and I always joked around about me having crushes, and boyfriends, and all that kinda thing. He said "If you ever need someone to break his legs, I'll be here" Thats just one of my favorite memories I have of him..I just miss him. A lot.

Some people say that I only write this kinda stuff to get compliments, and sorries, and sympathy. To those people: This is written from the heart. This is my way of expressing my feelings without whining to people's faces about it all. This way, I KNOW people want to read my blog, and they want to know how I feel. I don't tell people this stuff merely for my own gain, I do it because it helps me get through pain, and it helps others get through pain. I hope you can understand that now. I've considered the idea of just stoping writing the blog, but I can't. It's my way of escaping, it's my way of letting it all go, without being told to "shut up and stop complaining". Please, don't try to take that away from me. You can say what you want about me, you can try to tell me my reasons for blogging, but I don't care anymore..it won't work :)

July 28, 2010

Hey :) I'm sorry I haven't been writing that much, but, I haven't actually been at my house for the past week or 2. Our house is being ripped apart at the moment, so we had to leave and live with friends :) Nothing much has happened in my life besides that. John had surgery on his wrist a couple days ago, and he left a couple hours ago to get his stiches taken out. I hope all goes well! Mom and I have had a couple colds lately, not to mention both of us have lost a considerable amount of weight in the process. I'm still recovering (supposdly is stress related). Oh well, can't really fix whats out of my control, can I?

So, since I've been packing up the house, I came across a bunch of letter and notes from around the school year. Most of them from one of my best friends (Alanna)..reading them over was really encouraging, and made me thank God all over again for having a best friend like her. She (and A LOT of other close friends) got me through everything, the ups and the downs, the days when I couldn't take it anymore: she was always there :)I love herrr!

Don't ever give up on your friends during hard times. The best ones will always be there, never doubt you, never give up on you. Know everything possible about you, and still love you all the same.

~ Love me more when I least deserve it, because thats when I need it the most.

July 17th 2010

So I realized that everytime I get a mean comment from someone, or if someone hurts my feelings, then I write to you guys. Soo, this is one of those times. I look on my formspring this evening, and someone posted a rather mean question to me. I just get so hurt when I get "questions" like that. Those people don't know me, they don't understand me, so they feel like they have to break me down every chance they get. It's not a Christian thing to do, and it's mean.

I do not beg for attention, I do not want people to feel sorry for me, (if you read my previous post, you would know this really well :]) And I try very hard not to be self absorbed. I asked my mom if she thought I was self absorbed, and her response was so true "You're not any more self absorbed then any other 13 or 14 year olds out there" One day, I counted how many times I used the word "I, or me" That's when I realized how selfish I could be. Try as hard as you can to put yourself in other people's shoes before you judge them, or insult them, or thing badly of them.

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system :) I love you guysss! (i really do)

July 15th 2010

Hey guys :) So as far as the house in concerned, we've begun remodeling, and the kitchen is completely ripped apart. I took a lot of pictures..I'm going to compare the kitchen once its all done. So..tomorrow I plan on hanging out with 2 of my bestest friends, and I can't waiiittt!

I guess speaking of friends..this is the first time I'll be hanging out with friends since school let out. I haven't hung out with any of the people in my grade for a lonnngg time. Oh well. But, I will say I think I lost my best friend. She's not talking to me anymore, and I don't know why. Well actually I do, but it's kind of personal, and I don't think it'd make matters any better posting it on my blog :p What I'm trying to say is that I really really miss her. She helped me become who I am today. She was always there when I needed a friend..when I needed a hug. When I felt like bursting into tears because "it's all to hard". One look at her smile would make all that go away. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me..suddenly..she's gone. And the people in my class? They're just avoiding me..I don't know why..See this is where I start having problems. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I don't want pity. That's the last thing I've ever wanted. I just want to be treated like a normal kid. But now, I know..that will never happen. I know, most kids have the privilege to go home and talk to their dads after school. They have that chance. Whenever something is wrong, they can have that one guy that will always be there. Honestly, I do miss being "daddys little girl"...There are so many questions I had, so many things I had to say..So many things that he will never know. He'll never see his grandchildren. He won't be able to be there for my wedding (if it'll ever happen, I doubt it will) I am misunderstood. People think they know me. But they don't..and honestly..I don't want to open myself up, because I don't TRUST. And thats a whole different story. Something I honestly can't share with you. It's really personal..and..yeah.

The other day someone told me that I'm playing games. That I'm "lamenting" over being misunderstood. That I'm being self absorbed. That I'm shrouding myself with self mystery. And those comments...those comments hurt me more than anything since 5 months ago..The reason it hurts is because my goals are to be the exact opposite of those things. And I thought to myself "If that's who you think I am...then you're judging me based on outside observations. You haven't sat down and talked to me about how I really feel...You have no idea.." I'm not going to plaster my feelings all over my formspring. Thats just..to much. Seriously. But I ask you, not just for me, but for all the other people you will ever meet. Always always find the good in people the first time you meet them. Example: New girl in school. She's kind of a nerd, she dresses differently, talks differently, and doesn't look like a model. What happens to her? She gets teased. She gets pushed around. She is judged by her outward appearance. Now here's what I try to do: She's sweet, she's smart, she's thoughtful, insightful, and cares about others...She loves Jesus. No, she doesn't look like a model, but she's prettier on the inside then all of you put together. Everyone deserves to have a first chance. Please remember that. Forgive, and forget...give second chances. You may be surprised how many more GOOD, CHRISTIAN friends you will make that way.

July 14th

Well, operation rip-apart-our house is underway! The kitchen is going to get ripped out on Thursday, the windows and the door for the sunroom are going to be installed Friday, and the door for the front of the house is being installed on Monday. Sooo thats a lot that we're getting done. My room and bathroom are going to be the first bed and bathrooms to be fixed, so I'm kinda looking forward to that, but it also means that I have to pack up my room extra fast :) I have currently lost 10 pounds since this whole thing got started..thats ok though..

Anywho...Nothing really touching to share with you guys today. I'm sure there will be something to say pretty soon. Well, I'm going to go practice guitar and then finish packing my room! :D Bye guys

<3 Lilly

July 12th

Hey guys :)
Well a number of things have gone wrong today, but that's not something I can fix right now, so I'll spare you and not complain about it. But, I will tell you this: I learned something very important today. People don't realize how valuable their lives are until something is missing. Truth is, I don't deserve the life I have right now. I truly don't. But, I am thankful to God that I am here. It's amazing. Life is amazing..and God giving me a second chance? That's beyond amazing :)

July 11th 2010

Someone just asked me if I could tell one person something that I've always wanted to tell them, what would it be and who? Here's my answer:

When I'm on the phone with you, and you ask me how I am..Sometimes I wish you could hear the pain in my voice and know that I'm really not ok.

July 9, 2010

So people ask me what my problem is. All the time. "Hey, Lilly, what's you're problem?! Why are you so mopey and weird and depressed and EMO?! You act like you lost your best friend or something...com'on, suck it up, and actually be thankful for what you have. You know, you're mom didn't have to adopt you. God didn't have to let you live when you were a sick baby.." And the list goes on. My first question to you is how YOU think I react to that..? Usually I'll just look into their eyes, and my expression on my face says enough. "How could you?"..Other times I walk away without an expression or a word. Sometimes I just stare at them and laugh. Thinking to myself "You people really don't get it do you?" Some people think all I do is feel sorry for myself and that I'm pessimistic. Ok, so now I'm just going to address all of what I just said and give an answer..

First: You really want to know MY problem? (I'm oh so tempted to say that those people are my problem, but that's not really telling you anything about me) My problem is that I want to know people actually care. I know I'm loved. By certain people, I can look in their eyes, and I can tell. I just know. Others, they ask "Hey how are ya doing" I look at them, and I can tell, they're just humoring me. I know they don't really want to know they just want to hear "Yeah, I'm fine, how bout you?" But that's not why I'm weird and depressed and "emo" Because, I'm not any of those things. I'm..I'm just scared. It's not over. My trials troubles and tribulations aren't over. My grandmother, my uncle, and my dad's death..? Those are not the worst things that will happen to me. As far as I know, this was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. The hardest thing I've ever gone through. But not the worst. I know that; but I can't explain it to you. No; I didn't loose my best friend: I lost my father. I love my family and my friends. But it's hard to be thankful for loosing the most important parts of my life. Yes, I'm glad God let me live, I know my mom didn't HAVE to adopt me, she wanted to, it was a choice. However, my biological mom didn't have to go and make bad choices either, but, she did. So here I am. I'd appreciate it if you let me be about being adopted. I love my mom. I love my home. I love where I am. I do not regret being put into this family in one moment. I'm just upset that you would even say something like that.


People caring: There's this one friend I have. And. She's amazing. She's one of the most amazing people I have ever met. She's gorgeous, she's smart, she's funny. I love her. But, she's got a pretty big problem with self esteem. So, I try to make her feel better, and I tell her all these things I love about her. On her facebook wall, it's plastered with people telling her how much they care about her, how much they love her, and how wonderful she is. To be REALLY honest with you? I'm jealous :) I know, I shouldn't be, because, on the inside I know it's all true. Someone told me that no one really thinks that about me, because they don't bother to do stuff like that for me. All I could think was "Gee..thanks" The other day I was talking to one of my best friends, and I was basically pouring my heart out to him. I told him everything that I'd been keeping locked up inside. I told him that "I just want to know that people care enough about me to WANT to find out what I'm like inside, know everything about me, and love me all the same; I tell people this, and they all say "I love you, I care about you.." But I can tell some of them could care less; they're just saying it to make me feel better" Then he said something I never thought someone like him would say "I care" I said thank you. But not for saying that he cared. But for saying it AND meaning it.

Don't get me wrong. I love all my friends, I love my brother and my mom. I thank God for them all the time. I'm so blessed to have them as friends. Even the one's that tease me and are mean to me. But sometimes I just feel so locked up inside. I feel trapped..And I'm rather tired of people who THINK they know who I am inside :)

July 8th, 2010

Hey! So lately I've been trying to remember who I am. Or what I used to be prior to 5 months back. To explain this whole thing, I'll tell you a story. When I was younger, whenever it rained, I would go outside and "dance" in the rain. I'd run outside barefoot, and splash in the puddles and just..have a good time :) Today, I went outside (to walk my dog), I put on a pair of shoes, and I brought an umbrella with me. While walking along the street, I stepped in a puddle, and got mildly upset, because I was afraid that my clothes and my shoes would be wet and dirty. Thinking back to when I was little, I started laughing. I realized I'd turned into a picky "city girl"..to worried I'd mess up makeup(examples), or mess up my nail polish, or mess up my clothes, or get my hair wet. I began to wonder what happened to the little country girl in pig tails, and overalls. I thought "enough of this" and I pulled off my shoes, threw the umbrella, and I ran and jumped in a puddle (I was laughing like an idiot the whole time :]) Sure, the people across the street watching me must have thought I was insane, but that's just who I am. I'm Lilly - Just because I'm older, doesn't mean I can't continue to have a good time, and continue to be a Lilly.

Sure I've gone through a lot of life-changing events, sure I'm older. Now I'm not saying it's ok to act immature, I'm just saying: Don't ever forget who you are. Even when you're older, you should always keep a part of that little girl or boy inside your heart. And, every now or then, make sure to let them out ;)


Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
(Psalm 51:10)

July 9th 2010

Hey people :) So, I don't really know what to do, and that's why I'm blogging. I'll probably go practice my guitar after this but for no, I'd rather talk to you :) Sooo. Nothing really deep or heartfelt to talk about today, just a normal day..well, I did pretty much pour my heart out to my best friend, and that went really well, so..it's all good :) Life is pretty stressful over here at the Arion house hold, with school starting soon. To be honest I'm really excited, and I can't wait. I still have a couple school things to resolve, but other then that, I'm fine. Mom is working on getting everything pulled together so we can continue remodeling our house, and that's going pretty well to. She's really happy about our school situation next year. And I'm happy about that. She needs to relax more, and since she gave up some of her classes, she can do that! I'll be so much happier when our house is remodeled, and school is started, and I'm settled in and everything. I get the feeling that next year since mom is going to be so busy, and our lives our going to be so hectic, I'm just going to walk down to the Library and do my homework down there. It's really relaxing :)

July 8th, 2010

When am I going to learn? When am I finally going to tell the truth to people about myself? When am I going to accept who I really am, and trust that people will love me all the same? Readers - Truth is. I really didn't know who I was until 5 months ago. But just now all the pieces are starting to fall together..one of my final puzzles is almost finished. I just..I'm so lost. Confused, and frustrated. God where are you? I need you...I'm broken hearted, and empty inside.

About the truth: I try to be optimistic for my friends. I try to put on a happy face. I try to be everything they need. I try SO hard not to disappoint anyone. Let me tell you - It's impossible. I can't do it. No one can. But I still try none the less. I just want to be there for all my friends. I want to be that one friend that they NEED. I want to know that I have a purpose as of now...I want to know that I'm needed. I want to know that I'm cared about. See here's the real problem - I spend most of my time trying to care about other people and make sure they're ok, and I. ME of all people get on here tonight, and I use the word "I" 28 times. When have I ever stopped and thought about "wow...if I could just stop thinking about myself and think about other people and their needs.." can you imagine...what a better place it would be? Either way. I'm not always happy. I'm actually probably the most emotionally conflicted teen you would know. In fact, I have 5 different personalities (no joke) and it's a problem..I. Just want to hear three words. And for that person to actually mean it: "I love you"

July 6th :)

Hey all! Nothing to exciting or dramatic going on at the moment! Just the plain old routine! Have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow :P NOT looking forward to it. But, It's one of those things I have to do! I will look upon this with gratitude, not attitude! (You know the bad kind ;]) So. I really don't know what to talk about. Nothing inspires me at the moment. It's been a long day today, I got to talk to my best friends pretty much 24/7, but then again, they both have phones, so they text my computer, and I just reply all normal like ;) nah, I love them. And no, I don't NEED texting, but it would be nice! Speaking of which, I'm sorry to any of my friends who have tried to call me, but, I haven't been using my phone at all lately :) heehee. Well, this is a boring post, so I guess I'll leave you for now!

Love is energy of life.-Robert Browning.

To Brooklyn :)

Brooklyn :) Hey! All you have to do to follow my blog is go into the upper left hand corner and press "follow" if that doesn't work then...well...I don't know! HAHA :D but yes, I am on blogger! I love it! :) I warn you that some of my previous posts are really sad and they even make me cry :') But I hope you enjoy it!

July 5th 2010

Hey everyone :) Well. What do I have to say? I think tonight, I just realized how easy 1)I thought living in this world would be. There was a time when I thought a single kiss would change everything. Where three words would turn my world around. When a smile would turn someone's day upside down. The mind of a child - priceless. Beautiful. Pure. Why is it that with age comes immaturity? Why is it that with age..one stops believing. Miracles don't exist. There is no such thing as love. Happy endings? Never happen. Why does this happen? Today I realized I don't believe in all that anymore. I also realized how naive I used to be. I'm sure I still am, and that's never really going to change for someone like me. A number can really turn around someone's world. Especially mine.

Hey there guys! :) I know I haven't written in a while, but I'm in a much better mood now then I was a couple days ago. Everything is looking up. Well. I don't really know what to talk about. I haven't talked to my 9th grade friends in a long long time. I don't know why. I never get emails form them anymore (which is realllyy rare) and, none of them will call. I don't know what's going on. Ha, I guess I don't really care, because I only noticed it today, and its been months :) So, anybody got any suggestions on how to make some extra money? I want to get a job, but everyone is telling me I'm to young. You have to be 14 to get a job, and thats how old I am sooo. In any case, please give me some ideas on what to write about! :D I have been writing boring posts for a long time now, so I think I need to change the subjects a little. Also, can you give me and idea or two about a comedy video I can do? Ha! Thanks guys :)
Love ya!

Love, Peace, JESUS

July 1st 2010

Hey! I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, but I'm really busy. Life is actually kinda stressful right now. I feel really...bummed out. Why oh why does life have to be so difficult? I'm kinda frustrated with how my life is going right now, but, I can't fix it. And i feel really misunderstood, which also can't be fixed. I really hate complaining to you guys, but I guess it's easier to complain to you because I don't know most of you.

But in any case. I feel like BLEH. I can't describe how I feel. I'm not happy, but I'm not all that happy either. Ok, I don't want to depress any of you, so I'm just gunna go now, but I'll talk to you later

June 21st

Hey! Well, my brother is leaving for flight camp next week, so I get the house to myself :) I know I'm going to be lonely for a little while, but a little alone time with my mom ain't so bad either ;) Well, actually, I'm already pretty lonely at the moment cuz my best guy friend is gone on vacation, and he won't be back until Saturday. I miss him a lot, and wish he'd hurry up and come back already...

June 20th - Fathers Day

Hey guys :) So...today's been pretty bland. We all got up at 9:30, got ready for church, and then left at 10:00...after the service, we went and got something to eat, then we bought some flowers, and went to the cemetery to visit dad. Yes, I did cry some unseen tears, using my sunglasses to hide them....speaking of which, I have to go get my eyes examined so I can get myself some glasses :p A couple people are like "NOOOO!! Get contacts!" Haha, to those people - relax. I'm not getting braces, and no, I am not turning into a nerd...and hopefully, if I am, I'll be a very cute nerd ;)

Link to my video journal - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoQNkkktDlY

June 19th

Hey everyone! Not much to talk about, so I'm just going to give you the address to my online video journal (youtube) its an attempt to get more people to look at my blog haha :) so here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5AzwySyNFU

so yeah, hopefully you watch that, i know it's a little long, but...hopefully it's worth it :)

ALASKA TRIP (Journal)

June 4th - Day 1
Hey guys! So...I promised to make a journal about my week in Alaska. Today is Friday, and we left at 2:00. We've been sitting in the hotel room for 4 hours now. Which is more or less boring. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun tomorrow. I just have to get through tonight. Alright so far today we all woke up before 10, went to Sams to buy John a camera, and a couple other last minute travel needs. Then, as if we needed this to happen - we were going to get gas for the car, but we couldn't get the door open to put the gas in :/ So, we had to get that fixed. And by the time we got home, we had 30 minutes left to get out the door. But, at least John and I had time to mess around with our camera's.

So now here I st in a hotel room watching NCIS. Well I guess there's nothing more to say at the moment, so I'll talk to you tomorrow...Probably on the Plane ride.

June 4th
Hey again! It's still the same day, but I'm really bored, so I thought I'd talk to you for a couple minutes :) I'm going to try to stay up all night, but of course, I don't know how well thats going to work out. :) I just finished watching "I Am Legend"...A movie I would not recommend for sensitive people...Alright wellll...I don't know what to talk about so I'm going to go now.

June 5th

Hello peoples...right now I'm on the plane. My brother and I are watching "Alice in Wonderland" I just ate breakfast, even though it's 9:00. It was sausage and egg on a biscuit... Rather dry, but its food. So, the reason of my writing to you is because we are currently flying over the Rocky mountains, and I must say. They're beautiful. My mom and I are in complete awe of these mountains. There's a lot of snow on them, and they're spread out so evenly. Also, there are these little sheep like clouds over them. well, now I'm going to go finish the movie, talk to you later!

Hey! We landed around 45 minutes ago...right now, we're sitting outside the airport in Seattle on a couple of huge rocks.... we're sitting in the shade of some trees "eating" There's a gentle breeze out here, and it's about 60 degrees....yeah, you Texas people, be jealous :)

Right now, I'm sitting on the balcony of the ship. But before I go into details, let me just give a note to Texans - We are blessed. The flies here in Seattle are HUGE. And, there are tons of them! However, its still a nice place to be. Another note - the architectures here are very captivating and intricate. Even here in the city, there are many many trees. The bus we rode to the ship was 60 feet long. I mean it was a really large bus! There were even a couple TV's on the bus! What I find most amusing was the lady my mom sat behind on the bus talked non stop. I kinda have to wonder...do I do that? In any case - back to the ship - getting on board actually wasn't that bad. Not that long of a wait. However, we did have to get our passports checked three times :). Words to describe this are hard to find. Well first of all, the smell is definitely different. It smells like Pineapples to me...well...rotting pineapples. Haha, I guess it will take a little getting used to. The room is very nice, mom has currently crashed on the bed. :). Since we're in Washington, we've gained two hours. So it's 12:24 P.M. here, and where I usually am in Texas, it would be 2:00 P.M. We woke up at 5:00 this morning, so we've been up for 24 hours, and it's only mid day... Which means, we have 8 or 9 more hours left to stay up. Although, I highly doubt any of us will last that long. Seeing as none of us got any sleep last night. The ship itself doesn't even leave until 4:00. Now, back on track. An observation of the water, besides the fact it smells a little weird...when the sun hits it just right, it looks like little fireworks going off under the watter... Absolutely beautiful.

TAKE OFF TIME (June 5th)

4:11 - We left port approximately 5 minutes ago. And let me just say - This. Is. Awesome! We've celebrated and re currently watching the boat turn :). Talk to you later! Oh, and P.S. we just had a safety drill...and they're long.

Later that Night -

Just as I suspected, everyone went to bed except me. It's only 5:00 right now and apparently I'm sleeping on the couch : / Oh well. I'm currently sitting on the balcony, drinking coke, and finishing a book. :)

June 6th

Sunday Morning! I know this is vacation, but I got up at 5:00...I know, that's pretty sad, but hey, in my defense, I went to bed at 9:00. It's 7z;00 on Texas time. Ok, enough about me. This morning, I woke up and went out on the balcony to see a beautiful sunrise. I mean, this is not your ordinary sunrise. The sun was just peaking over the mountains, throwing a majestic sheet of pink over the sapphire blue waters. Well, I have to find a plug so I can straighten my hair :).

Hey again! Not much went on today. Tomorrow we'll go whale watching :) I'll take pictures. Today, we woke up, ate. explored, and watched TV...oh, and we read. Tonight was formal night, but mom John and I originally decided to stay inside the cabin. However, there were a couple things I needed, so we had to leave and go shopping on board. As weird and ridiculous as it was, mom and I stepped into the hallway only to be surrounded by a sea (no pun intended) of well dressed people (mind you, mom and I were both dressed in sweatpants and over sized t-shirts) I hesitantly began walking uncertainly behind my mom. After sh had taken a look around, she spun around looked at me, and between clenched teeth, and a semi smile, threw the words "Well...this is awkward" Unable to subdue the laughter, I began giggling uncontrollably and continued walking quickly behind her. And that was the highlight of my day :).

June 7th

Today, our ship docked in Juneau. First, I'll tell you a bit about Juneau. The population is 3000 people, there are 21 jewelry stores,most, if not all of the buildings are restored from the 1900's. There has never been a stolen car in Juneau because, according to their laws, a car isn't stolen unless the person doing the stealing has driven at least 50 miles.The longest road is 47 miles. There have been 3 attempted bank robberies, none of which were successful, because as I said before, the longest road in Juneau is 47 miles long, so they can't go far. The most interesting story I heard was from the bus driver taking us whale watching. Close to the port, there is this little shack called the "Grab and Go" shack. The reason being was because when the shack was originally developed, a bear came down, grabbed 30 hot dogs, and went a little ways up a hill, sat down, and began eating them. Thus the name "Grab and Go" Now, about the whale watching - Over all, I saw 5 bald eagles, 4 seals, 1 otter, and 6 whales. But, I wasn't very successful in getting a picture of the whale because they came up and dived so fast! If you blinked, you missed it. However, the scenery was absolutely beautiful. I'm sure that according to the pictures I took, the mountains all look the same, and they're not nearly as beautiful as the real thing. :) Well then...that was pretty much all that happened on our day today. So, I will talk to you tomorrow!

June 8th

Today was very interesting. We stopped in Skagway. I guess I'll give the background of Skagway too. The population is the same as Juneau - 3000 people. Now the stake of Alaska cost 7.1 million dollars. There is one school in Skagway. That schools cost 8.2 million dollars to build. Amazing right? Here are some interesting facts - there are 23 jewelry stores, all owned by the Cruise Lines. The closest hospital is in Juneau, since Alaska doesn't have any roads to the rest of the United States, the goods all have to be shipped. In consequence, a bag of potato chips is 7 dollars, a gallon of milk is 6 dollars. And you thought Texas was expensive!? Alright so today we went horse back riding, and, like whale watching, there was absolutely beautiful scenery. Another thing I learned today - We rode past a cemetery called "Slide Cemetery". The story behind that is that about 7000 men (stampeder's) came through the trail. However there was an avalanche, killing all the men. None of them had any means of identification, so the people that found these men just guessed at the names. Therefore, most, if not all the gravestones are marked incorrectly. Alright, well mom and John want to go shopping now, so talk to you later!

June 9th

Hey buddy! Today we didn't get off the ship to go anywhere, we just cruised at about 12 knots. Quite slow. But, we did get to see some seals playing on an ice chunk. I basically read all day, and took a couple naps...well, I'm going to go to bed now, Because I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow to go zip lining :).

June 10th

Ok, so today, we all went zip lining. After waking up at an unearthly hour of 5:30, we headed off the ship. We docked in Ketchikan (Not to sure I spelled that correctly)Before I tell you of my adventures, I'll say a few words about Ketcikan. This particular city is knows as the first state of Alaska, also known as the salmon capital of Alaska. Like Juneau and Skagway, there are many jewelry stores. No big surprise there :) About zip lining - I think mom John, and I were all a little jittery at first, but, afterwards we were fine. The scenery was beautiful, we got to see lots of bald eagles (31 in all) and a bear den. We actually zip lined through a rainforest. Like I said, Absolutely beautiful. As soon as we got off, we all got metals, and hot chocolate. And...food. John and I both got t-shirts. I'l probably take some pictured of the shirts we bought. We also went shopping a bit. I bought something to put on my key chain. (I've been collecting little things to put on my key chain from different states) and a camera case. only Lord knows how much I've been needing that ;) As far as the rest of today? We got to see 3 horse drawn carriages, and again, a lot of old fashioned buildings...We left really late though, because a couple of the people were late getting back to the ship :/ well, I don't think it'll make that much of a difference. Well, tomorrow is our last day on the cruise :( But to tell the truth this has been the longest week in my life :) In a good way! I love it here, but,like I said I miss home. The scenery in Alaska is beautiful, the food on board is amazing, service, likewise, and I would recommend this cruise to anyone anytime. Even if you don't like the food, the scenery is still absolutely worth it.

June 11th

Today we landed in Victoria, Canada. It was really great though. They have a lot of shops and stores and such. It was so much fun. We mainly went to this one shopping mall that was 4 floors, and over 85 stores. I LOVE their clothing lines. My mom even bought herself some shoes. The streets were quite interesting. According to our bus driver, Victoria is the incest city in Canada. Although I don't know exactly what downtown Dallas looks like, downtown Victoria reminds me of downtown New York :) One thing that absolutely amazed me was this one lady that recreated the Mona Lisa with sidewalk chalk. And it looked exactly like the real thing. So, nothing very interesting happened yesterday. I bought (overall) - A t-shirt, two necklaces, 2 items to put on a key chain, and some ear rings. I'm rather sad to leave. No more falling asleep in front of the TV, no one making the beds, and cleaning the room, No more waking up to the beautiful scenery of the mountains and bald eagles (37 in all) I LOVE ALASKA!!!

June 12th

Woke up at 6:30 this morning, and got ready to go to the airport. Right now, We're still on board, waiting to get off. We're not getting to Dallas till 6:30 (around) and then we have to go find our car...joy. But I'm so excited to go home! I can clean my own room, and eat vegetables and lots and lots of fruit...and see BINKY! :):):):)

The flight was awesome, everyone got back okay. As soon as we got home, I began unpacking, and doing laundry :) So...yay...I'm still kind of sad that we're not in Alaska or anywhere near there...Honestly I just miss the scenery, and the fact that mom won't be so relaxed and calm anymore...haha well, Goodnight!



And that concludes my journal of Alaska...Lilly out!

P.S. I only uploaded a few photos...in all, I took 412 pictures :)

June 17th 2010

Hello readers! Sorry I got back from Alaska 5 days ago, but we're just no getting back on our feet, if you understand the expression :). So - About Alaska. I loved it. It was absolutely amazing. I loved the scenery, the tours, the service. All great. However, the food could have been better. I am hoping to post pictures Along with the journal that I kept while in Alaska, and...abroad...haha. I guess I'll make a separate post with the journal included so you won't be confused with this one :)

June 6th

Hey guys :) I just read a comment asking me to update my blog :) Well, I'm sorry I haven't been able to, but I am currently on a cruise ship on my way to Alaska. So, I won't be able to update my blog that much. However, I am keeping a day - to- day journal, and I will post it on my blog as soon as I get back from my trip. I am also taking pictures, but I am not sure I will be able to post them. :( Sooo...I will talk to you later! :D

June 1st

Hey! Yesterday was memorial day/ my dad's birthday. One of my CLOSE friends brought a birthday cake for him. And...I was shocked. I was soo happy! :) I loved it so much. Well, for his birthday...we did't really do anything! Oh well :)

In any case, we're leaving for Alaska on Thursday...I can't wait! We've got a lot of packing to do still...Tomorrow I have a lot of work to do. So, I won't be on my computer much. First, wake up, exercise, shower, pack, give binky a bath, go shopping...a lot of stuff ta doo! :)

SO. Nothing much to write about now! But, I'll blog again tomorrow! If I have time :)

May 30, 2010

Hey guys! I just got home from church and decided to write to you :) The sermon was a...sobering topic. It was about heaven and hell. The chapter reading was Luke 16:19 - 31...I would suggest that you read that passage, and meditate over it in your spare time :)

Now...My family and I are going on a week long cruise to Alaska. SO, I won't be able to blog during that time. However, I am going to keep a journal while I am traveling, and write about all the exciting little details :) I will post them on my blog as soon as I get back...we're leaving on Friday or Thursday, my mom hasn't decided if she wants to stay in a hotel the night before we leave.

Since it's the middle of the day right now, I guess I don't have much to write about...however, there is one thing that I thought you might find amusing - We recently had our pool "remodeled". Well in the middle of April workers started working on it...they haven't finished yet. They were supposed to have it done in a matter of weeks...so much for that : / In any case, our pool started growing algae in it, so my mom decided to shock the pool...This morning, we walk out there, and we see our polaris (the little underwater vacuum that runs along the bottom of a pool) all tangled up...My mom turns to me and asks me to untangle it, since I'm already in my pajama's, and she's dressed. So, I lean over, and try to take it out...in that process, I get sprayed with water, and I was soaked...I walk in the house, glaring at my mom claiming that "that thing is EVIL". For those of you who don't know me, you wouldn't find this very amusing, because there is a whole other story behind this. See, when we first moved into this house, dad and I would have to untangle that thing all the time...But, every time we went out there, we would both end up being soaked because of it's "evil" attributes...that polaris would only chase dad and I around the pool, and no one else :)

Well...that wasn't very funny...it was just something to fill up the page ;)

May 29th, 2010

Hello :) I need to make this blog more of a daily thing, huh? Well, just to let you know (those of you who are reading) that I greatly appreciate your comments :) I've been writting this blog for a while now, but not very many people have commented, haha. Oh well, it's great either way, I just love getting everything out of my system. :)

So what's new? My brother is away for the weekend, and so, mom and I have the house to ourselves...Now, see, I would use the situation as a time to have a "girl weekend" and have fun. I wake up this morning, and I ask mom what we're doing. She says - Cleaning the house. Great. So excited >:-/ Well, we still had fun together today. I just turned off the TV so my mom could go to sleep. We were watching Jurassic Park...haha. I don't know about you guys, but even though I am a teenager, I still have nightmares, and I still get scared in the middle of the night. I've seen waaayyy to many horror movies. I don't even know why...But in any case, that being said, I am not scared of Jurassic Park, haha. Just...creepy stuff...and no, dinosaurs are not creepy :)

So. Last night, I had an emotional breakdown. I completely lost it...Oh...how I love being a teenager...NOT. :) But hey, can't avoid it! This is rather random, but since we're talking about age this reminds me of a time when I was talking to daddy, and I asked him how old he was...and he said 53. I laughed at him, and told him he was in his 60's. Then after a pause, I said "wait a minute!! YOU used to be FIFTY???" I was 4 years old at the time, and I thought people (adults) stayed the same age the rest of their life...oh...how weird was I?

Well...I guess I'll draw this to a close! Thanks for the comments!!

P.S. - My mom is much much better, in case you were wondering if she's actually recovered. But yes, she is much better now, and we're looking forward to Alaska!!!

May 27, 2010

Hello! :) well, this has not been the best week for me or my family. My mom was taken to the hospital at 3:00 this morning...I didn't fall asleep till 2:00, so I only got 1 hour of sleep :) Haha, in any case, what was wrong? The doctor's can't tell for sure, but we think that she may have been dehydrated to the point of being in as much pain as she was. And this isn't your everyday kind of pain. She was having SEVERE pain...soooo...I made her stay in bed all day, but I did clean the house up, and did the laundry, and fed her, so...I didn't goof off all day :) But lemme tell ya, being a mom, and doing what they have to do is exhausting!

My dad's birthday is in 4 days. And I don't know if we're going to do something in memory of him, or what...But I sure hope everyone remembers...

Alaska trip - right on schedule! We'll be leaving in 9 days :) Can't wait!

May 15th 2010

Hey guys :) Weell, My week has been pretty busy. I don't think theres been a day this week where I haven't had to wake up and go somewhere...But that's ok. Well I didn't have to go any where today, but we have two remodeling people coming to our house, so...I had to wake up earlier that usual.

So - Freshman year. I'm going into 9th grade next year (I'm going to be 14 in September, the rest of my class is going to be 15..) So I'm a little nervous. I really hope I do well this year...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb-K2tXWK4w&NR=1

:) I love Taylor...

May 12, 2010

Hello :) My problems are almost fixed. Just have a few more things to do, then almost everything will be alright. I won't be on for a few days, because I'm going to be running around a lot, but thats not a bad thing ;) I still have to go to the library and check out books for my research paper, but other than that, I'm ok. I cleaned my room (as planned) but the bathroom never got finished. I think my plans to do math over the summer are going to be slightly delayed, because Ben Hur is harder than I thought. It's actually rather boring in the beginning (which is where I'm at - the beginning) But i figure this book wouldn't be a best seller for multiple years in a row (one year, it even out sold the Bible!) If it was so boring that people wouldn't read it :)

This weekend is going to be quite busy...*sigh*

wish me luck!

May 11, 2010

Hey guys :) Well, me and my WHOLE class made it! We all graduated from 8th grade, and are going to be freshmen next year. This should be interesting! Honestly I'm kind of scared. I mean...I'm not that bright, and 9th grade (from what I hear) is a hard year to complete. But, I'm sure with the help of my family I can make it. The thing that scares me the most is that my class is rather segregated, so I'm afraid that the M/W group will stay separate from the T/th group. :( And that's never fun. So...yeah. I am currnetly working on math (doing two lessons a day) and, reading Ben Hur (writing dialectic journals as I go) and, working on a research paper. It's honestly not that bad.

Now, about my life... The post I made before last was...brutal to say the least. There are honestly not that many people in my class that are mean, or jerks to me. Only a couple. And I'm sure they don't mean it. Sooo...I'm sorry for the last post, I was having a super bad day. And I think I fixed the problem actually. Thanks to prayer ;)

May 8th 2010

hey guys...this is going to be a little shorter than the one i wrote yesterday, but...I just want to say thank you to some of my friends for calling, and leaving encouraging emails and such. Because they are such a help to me right now. I love you guys :)

March 17th

Hey there :) Well whatever I had is gone! Thank you God! I couldn't go much longer being sick like that...well I'm on spring break right now, so I have a chance to rest...yay! Hopefully I can get some more work done...In any case, I'm basically hiding out in my room all the time because...I don't know...there's just nothing else to do around the house. I've been doing school work when my mom doesn't know it (hoping to surprise her :D)So yeahh...I'm gunna go eat now, so bye!

March 10th

Hey :) Well...I'm sick. With something. Suspect it's mononucleosis, but we're not sure. I went to the doctor today, and had my finger pricked, my blood drawn, and my throat swabbed :( But I guess the weirdest thing about it was the doctor I had. My usual doctor is this really nice lady (I love her so much! but today, she was busy, and there were no other doctors available except this one guy...And he...was...interesting in a weird way. But in any case, I won't go into that! So I believe I have mono, but we can't say for sure :) I'm catching up on my homework, and Spring Break is this week, so hopefully I can get completely caught up by the time school starts again!

Wish me luck!

Bye bye fellow bloggers/readers! :D

March 2

Helllooooo :) I haven't updated you guys in a LONG time. My life's been kinda busy lately, but not to terribly busy. Well...here's the thing. I keep making excuses for myself for certain things and saying "well in my current situation, it's hard for me to do my school work" and stuff like that. But the truth is, those aren't actually good reasons...think about it. My brother, who is in 9th grade has better grades than I do, and he's home only about 4 hours everyday. Between school and gymnastics, he's completley booked, and yet he still has time to get his homework done and get good grades on tests...haha, I don't know! I need to try harder... a lot harder. :) I guess I need to stop wasting my time on things like this blog and get to work! But it's really hard for me to do that because I find things like blogging relaxing...heehee...

Well, I have a math (and science) exam tomorrow, and I need to study for that, so I'll talk to you later!

P.S. - going to Houston this weekend for a gymnastics meet (brother). Leaving Friday, won't be back till late Sunday....yay! Haha, hope they have a pool.

February 18th

Hey there! :) I..hm..well what I'm feeling right now is hard to describe. I'm kinda depressed right now, but then again maybe not. I really don't know...all I know is that I've never felt this way in my life. I think today I set a record for the longest time I've gone without smiling. I don't know, I'm just...bleh...sad, and mopy, and...just don't feel like being happy, can't find anything to laugh about. What I guess a good way to describe what I'm feeling right now is that getting up everyday and being happy just for the people around you can ware you out! Take it from me :) I'm so worn out right now, don't get me wrong though, me being happy isn't fake, cause, I'm a truly happy bubbly person, but sometimes I just have to pretend to be happy to make everyone else happy. :) works pretty well for me! Although some people were concerned about me cause it seemed like I was/am to happy most of the time. But, in my world, there's no such thing as being "to happy" happiness is a gift...it's something that has to come natural to you...If you're happy all the time that must mean that there's nothing in life that bothers you. No, DUH, right??!! Hahahahah :) anyways, my point being ( I know, get to the point already, woman!! LOL) that I don't think I'm truly depressed because if I were, I wouldn't have this little spark of happiness and hope inside... ILY! have a goodnight, everyone

February 17th

Well, I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and all alone
I'm sick of wasting all my time

[Chorus (x2):]
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

Jordan Pruitt - Outside Looking In

I love this song...I can relate to it so well...On my FB account I posted some of the lyrics to this song on my home page along with a comment of mine - its amazing how someone can have tons of friends, and still be the loneliest person in the world.

February 10th

The mwmorial service for my dad was this Monday...Lots of people came to the service...I even got a lot of comments on how beautiful the service was :) I agree, it was a beautiful service, and I'm sure if dad could have seen it from heaven, he would have been smiling. I;m so thankful for my friends right now, they're such a great help. I love them all so much, and I wish there was some way I could let them know how much I appreciate them. This blog has been very helpful to me during this time, and if I could do it again, I wouldn't change a thing! I love you, my readers, thanks so much for the support and the comments!

Now my only problem is what I should do for this blog...the "struggle" is pretty much over, but I want to keep blogging...sooo...any ideas on what my topic should be?

February 6th

Hello...I'm feeling sad right now. I really miss my dad...I just have this feeling of "where is my hope" "why am I here" "why was I adopted only to loose my dad...why did I loose one parent...only to loose another?" I just really makes no sense to me. Here I sit, crying tears unspoken of...tears I don't want anyone to know about. When I cry, I don't want anyone to know...The thoughts that are going through my mind right now aren't really..."why me" thoughts, but just thoughts of...why do I even bother getting out of bed in the morning..? What's the point. Who out there cares enough to just hold me close, and say "Lilly, I care about you...I love you...you have to be strong and keep going" Some tell me that I'm to brave sometimes. But...I really don't see how that's possible. I'm not brave enough to think about the fact that my dad's actually gone. I'm not brave enough to look at his face...to look at pictures of him. I just miss him. There's this empty feeling in my life that I don't think I can ever fill again. It's a feeling that's really hard to describe.
Well...I'm to sad to continue really...so I'll talk to you later....

February 5th

Hi all...the battle is over...the pain - gone...the suffering - no more. My dad has passed on to be with the Lord. He went peacefully on Wednesday, February 3rd. It is a very trying time for me and my family right now. Our friends have given us a lot of support and love...and I appreciate it very much. My mom seems to be pushing through all this very well, and I'm so proud of her. My brother is just the same old John that I love :) Last night a couple of my friends came by to cheer me up, and they made me forget everything. I love them so much! They sacrificed their time to come and talk to me and hang out...I know they're probably not reading this, but if they were I would just like to let them know that I've never known friends like them. I will always remember what they've done for me, and that (once again) I LOVE THEM!

February 2nd

Hello...My life...doesn't stink, but it certainly could be better. School, I am trying very hard to get better grades, and I'm going to make a commitment to work harder, because I know that's what my dad would have wanted.

My dad - We don't think he's got very long left. If he makes it to the end of this week, it will be a miracle. Nurses are staying at our house now 24/7 to watch him and make sure he's ok. Now...we think...that sometime between last night and this morning, he had a stroke. His whole left side of his body is not responsive to anything. His pupils are dilated, his hands are freezing...It truly does break my heart to see him like this. Right now we believe he's in coma, because he hasn't waken up since he went to sleep last night.

This is the time where...All of the good memories of him come flooding back...I took his hand today and I wrapped my hand around his pinky the way I used to when I was really little...All the things that we used to do when John and I were little kids came back...the long swims, the boat rides, the fishing hours...everything. When I remember my dad...I'm not going to remember this 90 pound man lying there on the bed hooked up to oxygen. I want to remember that lovable man I knew when I was little...the man that was always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on...the man I could go to and ask anything. The man that I learned life's most valuable lessons from...the man that I am so very proud to call my father. The man who's hand I held today and whispered "I love you daddy".

It's not the fact that my dad is dying that makes me cry, it's not the fact that he's not going to be there anymore. It's the fact that when I'm sitting there in the family laughing hysterically over a memory...my dad won't be there to share, and laugh over those memories. It's not that when I wake up tomorrow he probably won't be there...it's not that when I come home from school, my dad won't be there anymore. He won't be standing there in the family room, arms open, beaming at me and saying "How was school today, lillykinz??" Loosing someone is very hard for anyone to deal with. Truly it is. Now, when this whole battle began, I thought my dad had a good chance of winning...he lost. Some might say death won. Some may say Satan has once again claimed the life of a believer. But what I say is...God took another child home. He relieved another person of the pain, suffering, and hate of this world. Truthfully, God is doing my dad a favor...I won't have to try to hold back the tears when I walk into his room, and see that shriveled body lying there, trying his hardest to smile at me. I won't have to sit there wondering if he's in pain. I know...in heaven, there will be no more pain, no more tears...no more suffering. There will be a day, when we can all walk those streets of gold, singing praises to God. That day is sooner for some people...later for others. For my dad, most likely a matter of hours. No one can say. When the time has come though...I only want to make clear that I will not be angry. I will not be upset, angry, bitter or any of those other things towards God. I love him. I thank Him for the wonderful times that he has granted me with this man, even though I did not deserve someone as great as my dad to call my father...

Please keep my family in your prayers...my mom, that she's less stressed, my brother, that he won't be afraid to let his emotions show...everyone that is involved with my dad, that they will feel comfort in knowing that...it's all over...the pain will soon be gone...the worries soon eliminated...

January 29

Hi! Sorry I've been gone lately! My life has been kinda busy...with homework, my dad (although most of the care credit I give to my mom :D), and other activities going on. In example, I'm in the school play, so I'm at rehearsal a lot :) But in any case yeah, I've been pretty busy! My school life has been going pretty well, and everything is pretty much in balance.

My dad has been moved to hospice care (at home)...so we have all the medical supplies and everything here...he's been really tired lately, but he does enjoy getting visitors, so thats good...he stays in his room all day, so he doesn't get out much "contact" with the outside world. It's nice to go in there and visit with him. Even though he does have the tendency to fall asleep during conversations. I can't blame him though, because he's really tired now days (as I said before)...

Well, it's late, I'm tired...so I guess I'll talk to you later! :D

January 23

Hey all :) This weekend has been pretty busy! My mom and brother went to Miami Florida and my bro came in 4th all around! IM SO PROUD OF HIM! Heehee! Anyway, I've been here, there and every where, and it;s just been terribly busy! I love it though...I can't stand it when there's nothing to do...I got 12 hours of sleep last night..I can't believe it...I actually slept 12 whole hours! SO yeah. Not much to talk about :) I'm a very boring person right now. And that may be due to the fact that I'm relaxing on the bed sipping my hot coco, listening to Taylor Swift ( I love her :D)

Night!

January 21

...Well...I just got back from visiting my dad...I mean...he's home, he's just not up and about. I don't see him that much now, and I feel really bad about that. I want to go and see him more, because...I really miss him :) Tonight, he and I just cuddled for a couple minutes and had a really nice talk. We talked about boys, (haha, yeah, he knows about my boy situation :D), and he told me how much everyone enjoyed having me around...Everyone tells me that I'm such a wonderful person, and that I'm loved by many people, but...I don't know why they say that! I'm not digging for complements from my readers, or anything like that, but I just don't get it. I guess...it's probably because you know yourself better than any other person, so when I think about all my past mistakes and problems, I just don't feel that great about myself. Well...as my dad said "I've got everyone else fooled!" To which I replied...yeah... except for one person... and if you know me, you know who I'm talking about ;) haha, well in any case...I'm going to be gone from 10:00 to 3:00 tomorrow...when my dad heard that, I could see he was really disappointed. He just put on this sad face and said "you mean...you can't just...stay home tomorrow?" I feel so bad! I wish I could cancel what I'm doing tomorrow, but my mom told me that I need to keep to what I committed myself to...I guess she's right...but still... :)

Goodnight, I love ya'll...please keep my dad and my family in your prayers! (and yes, even my adorable dog Binky ;D)

P.S. - You know what I just realized tonight...I really really want a bird! I just want a parakeet that I can keep in my room (and not let it out anywhere else) and I'll feed it when I come home from school...just something that ishttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7768126731972936451# really small to take care of, that can sit on my finger and listen to me...Sure, I have Binky, and he's and awesome listener! But for some weird reason I want a Bird...I can buy it, and pay for it, because I've been saving up money :)

LOL ok, goodnight now :D

January 20th

Hi all :) Well, first of all, today is inauguration day (the day that President Obama was sworn into office)...I can't believe it's been a whole year since he was inaugurated! Time seems to be flying...7th and 8th grade have gone by so fast...it seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the classroom on the first day of school, loosing my mind because I was so nervous...what was my first day going to be like? Was 8th grade going to be hard? I wonder if these new people will like me...I hope I pass this year...I had a really hard time last year...I don't know where time goes...but I do know that the next weeks with my dad are going to fly by really quickly! He came home today, and right now we have a nurse over at our house trying to give us instructions on how to take care of him, and that kind of thing...tonight I went into his room and watched him sleeping there on his hospital bed...my memories go back to when I was in 5th grade, the summer time, and we didn't even know he had cancer...we didn't know what kind of trials and tribulations were coming up ahead...Looking at my dad standing there, laughing at my brother doing a belly flop into the pool...I never realized...that...sooner than I thought, that man I've looked up to all my life...might not be there fore me one day. These are the kinds of memories I would like to remember my dad by...the kind of memories that no matter what happens...I'll always remember them :) The kind of thing I can look back on when I'm older and say "I was so blessed to have such and awesome guy as my dad..." The kind of thing that makes me proud to go running into his arms and look up into his eyes and say "Daddy...I love you"...to know that no matter what I do...He'll always love me too...

January 18th

Hey =) I'm currently sitting on my watching TV...It's actually quite relaxing, but in any case...My dad's coming home. But, it's not because he's getting better, they said theres nothing else they can do for him...I'm kind of...at a loss right now. I've run out of tears to cry, I've run out of pain to feel...I...I'ts really hard to describe. I'm kind of sad, but, I'm also rather happy. I know my dad will be going home with the Lord soon, and...I can't be mad at that. I can't be angry, sad or depressed with that...He'll be in a better place, he won't suffer anymore. He told me he's tired, and he wants to come home. I can't blame him! I just hope that if and when he goes he won't be in pain...thats my only wish :)

So please pray for my family and other people involved, because this is a hard time for everyone...and...yeah. I'm sorry, right now I'm not the greatest with words right now.

So I guess I'll talk to you later...tomorrow most likely :)

January 17

Hello :) Remember how the other day I said I was angry? Well...during a refreshing walk to the Library yesterday, while having a conversation with myself...I realized...I shouldn't be angry. And here's why - I shouldn't be angry at God because it isn't his fault at all...True, he does let these kinds of things happen to people (yes, even good people) but also, we let this happen to ourselves to! In the Garden...Adam and Eve made the CHOICE to eat the forbidden fruit. Yeah, maybe my dad didn't have the choice to get cancer and end up where he is now, but it's not God's fault, it's not dads fault. It's sins fault...Satins fault. It's in our nature to want to understand something. That goes all the way back to the garden too. Adam and Eve didn't understand everything, and they knew it. So, they thought that by eating the fruit, they could understand everything. They wanted to be just like God, but the truth is, not only can we not take that kind of responsibility, but no one, no, not anyone can be as good as God. Just because we don't understand something doesn't give us the right to resent it. And I think thats why I was angry - because I didn't understand WHY this is happening to my dad...God has a purpose. He's trying to teach us all something...everyone who's involved with this has something to learn. Even me. And...I think I finally have...Don't ever resent something just because you don't understand it. Everything has a purpose...even the bad things in life. So, when you're going through a hard time, don't ask the question "why me" or "what did I do wrong" start thinking about why shouldn't it be me??
Thanks guys, I love ya'll, I love you (my family), and a big thanks to God my Father for being there in my troubles, for leading me through the dark, even when I don't deserve it. :)

January 14th

Hello! I'm...not doing to well. I'm really stressed out right now, I haven't slept in 5 days, I'm grumpy, tired, and just really irritable! I HATE it! I mean, right now I just really need to get my feelings out. I'm so angry, but like, I just need a million hugs! Thing is, the people I want to talk to I can't, and theres no other way to get this off my chest, so here...you can read about my problems...I'm sorry I don't mean to complain or feel sorry for myself...or maybe I do? I don't know. I'm just really confused, and angry...and...*sighs* I've broken down and cried like 5 times in the past day. I just...I can't do this. I don't know how my parents or my brother is holding up...Maybe I'm just not mature enough to handle this. I don't know. If you were in my situation, would you feel the same way? Would you be able to go to school, and fake being happy every day? I'm so confused right now, don't know what to think, say, or do...I...I just feel so helpless. And you know, its the same thing I told my mom today. In situations like this, you should be getting closer to God. Instead, I'm...kind of angry. I know I shouldn't be, and I know it isn't right, but...I can't help it. I mean after all, isn't it God who lets these kind of things happen to people? Good people...? Please, tell me what you think, straighten me out, I really need help and support right now...thanks guys :)

January 9th

I'm still over at the Smiths right now. I'm sitting on the bed typing to you. Nothing much is new right now...My brother had a highly successful meet today in Houston. He placed 4th all - around, and I'm soo proud of him! Heehee, you rock John!

Nothing new to update on my dad. Still pretty much the same. He seems to be getting stronger, but...that brace sure is a handi-cap! He seems to be handling the situation quite well. Some days, he seems like his old self, and some days, he's not really there. Have you had those days, when you're talking to someone, and you felt like you're just talking to a wall? Well that's how I feel sometimes about talking to my family...But...with dad, he seems to listen to me...I find that its a little easier to talk to him now, he listens to my conversations, and puts some comments in there too. :)

Well, I have to go to bed now, so I'll talk to you later! Oh, and in case I didn't say before, I get to go home on Sunday afternoon. I'm not so sure when my mom and my brother will be back, but I'm sure it will be later in the afternoon. FYI they were in Houston for the gymnastics meet. :D

Comments

Dear readers -

I have been notified that the comments were not working...I have gone back and enabled that option, so now you may post comments. Please, do! There are somethings I have been dying to hear about ;)

January 6th

As the first day of school, I think it went pretty well...I had a great day, full of laughs (yes, the "laughing so hard you cry" kind), and lots of confusion. If you really know me well, this shouldn't surprise you :)In math class today, we were learning about linear algebra...that was CONFUSING! I was just sitting there with a blank look on my face, while the teacher seemed to be looking right at me. I did ask a couple questions, and I think I might get it, but I think I'll call a couple of my friends to help me out with these kinds of problems. In any case, it was a lot of fun today, there wasn't any play practice, so I had to go home right after school ended. Which...I'm not so thrilled about, because yes, you guessed it, I love being at my school. So then my mom had to come and pick me up from school a whole hour earlier than she planned to. =D Oh well!

Later on tonight though, one of the ladies from our church brought us food, and let me tell you, it was DELICIOUS! I wanted to get a second helping, but I had to go take a shower, because my hair is EXTREMELY curly, so in order for it to look nice the next day, I have to wash it before I go to bed. I personally don't think my hair is that great, but I've gotten a lot of comments saying "You know, people pay about 100 dollars to get their hair looking like yours!" Which, I think may possibly be true...even though I hate to admit it. See the most frustrating thing about my hair is that it used to be straight when I was a little girl. But when I turned 11, it curled...joy joy JOY!

Sorry, I went off on a long rabbit trail of self - pity there, but I think I'm done ranting about my "beautiful black curls" haha =D

So long, fair well, I will talk to you later, Goodnight!

January 5th (part 2)

Well it's currently 9:49...I'm enjoying the last moments of my Christmas break. I finally got my netbook back after a long 3 weeks...YAY! So, the news is, that my dad is getting more strength back in his arms and legs, and he can feel his feet better...so I'm really happy about that...not much more to write about, cuz its a school night, and I should go to bed. So, goodnight!

January 5th

You ever wonder what it's like for teachers the day before school starts up again? Well in case you were wondering, it's pretty hectic. My mom has to prepare powerpoints, make a schedule for this upcoming quarter, and...take care of all us! I would help her with the schooling part, but unfortunately, I'm supposed to be learning 8th grade science, not teaching it. And furthermore, I don't know anything about 9th grade biology beyond photosynthesis. So as you can see, the only thing I can help my mom with is taking care of the family...kitchen (and ingredients in the pantry) here I come!

Well, it's official. I'm moving to the T/Th group. See at my school, you only have to go 2 days out of the week...So I used to go Monday/Wednesday, but now I'm switching over to Tuesday/Thursday...YAY!!! Haha...

Well, my uncle just left to get our Camry (fondly known as "Pip") serviced at Christian Brothers Automotive...Great service there, by the way...


In any case, I'm gunna rap this up, things to do, rooms to clean, meals to cook...and so much more =)

January 4th

Hello! Today was pretty exciting! Dad, John, me and my uncle went out to McDonalds for breakfast, then we went out to buy us all new phones :) I'm so happy, I finally have a cell phone! haha

but besides that, nothing new...mom had teacher confrences at school today, and she has to go back tomorrow... :( poor teachers, they have to start school a whole 2 days earlier! (BTW, this is real sympothy!)

January 3rd

Hey guys! =) I just got back from friends houses...again. Although, I must admit, at first I thought it would be a great adventure, but now...I miss being home. Of course it's nothing against the people that I'm staying with, I just would like to be home more. Whether or not it's a good thing, I will be returning on Friday of this week to the Smiths house. I'm not so sure how much I should say, but...we've been having a couple "conflicts" in the house...you know...two brothers... = disaster! Especially these two brothers - My dad, and his brother...They seem to get along just fine most of the time, but sometimes, they just have a little misunderstanding :) Oh well, nothing I can't handle!

School starts up again this week (Thursday). I'm so excited! I've missed my friends terribly, and quite frankly, I've even missed the stress of homework! I don't know, some how, it just keeps me going...Go one, poke fun, call me crazy, but, I think homework can be relaxing. And no, you might think I've got an easy homework load, but nooo, you'd be faaarrr off on the comment! One of these days, I'll post one of my homework days, full of all the assignments I have to get done, then you'll see :)

What else can I say? My dog seems to be doing fine, although, he's been moping through the house quite often this week...I hope he's ok...not sick or anything. Poor lil' guy, probably just wants some attention. Not like he doesn't get enough already...

I'm sure most of you kids will be going back to school on Tuesday, but please, keep checking my blog, and leave comments! I love hearing from you :)

Lastly - Please post what kind of "projects" you and your best friend enjoy doing with each other! I'd like to compare what me and my best friend do, and what you and your best friend enjoy doing :)

thanks you guys =D

January 1st!!!

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!

Hopefully this year brings more peace and joy then it did last year...unless of course that's not even possible :)

So, I'm thinking that for my new idea for this blog is to name your blessings from 2009. After all, it's the New Year, and it's nice to look back and see how you were blessed in previous years. There's no certain number of blessings that you have to think of, just name as many as you can =D
Now, I will name all of my blessings for 2009....

1) My dad is still alive
2) The surgeries, chemo, and radiation all went well for my dad
3) My mom is still going strong, and taking care of us, even though the situation is tough
4) I have the most wonderful brother in the whole wide world! Love ya buddy :)
5) All my friends have been so supportive, and every time I've needed them, they're always right there by my side!
6) The support from the people at my church, for the awesome meals they've brought us, and prayers!
7) Any money that's been donated to us for meals at school, getting the house fixed, ect.
8) That the new Health Care Plan hasn't stopped the insurance for paying for all the necessities of my dad
9) I'm still able to go to such a wonderful school as Coram Deo Academy!
10) And of course, I can't forget my furry friend, Binky, for always being there when I need a hug...Bichons rock! Especially you, Bink ;)

Now it's your turn! Please, post comments on all of your blessings of 2009 =D