July 29th 2010

Lately I've been having a lot of flashbacks about my life as a little kid,and when we first moved to Texas ect..but mostly all the memories are of me and my dad. I can see him, I can hear him. But one thing I can't do is hold him tight and tell him "I love you dad".
I never saw this coming..any of it. I always thought he was going to be there. I always thought that if something went wrong, if I was picked on, if I was having a bad day, I could always go to my dad, and he'd be there.
He and I always joked around about me having crushes, and boyfriends, and all that kinda thing. He said "If you ever need someone to break his legs, I'll be here" Thats just one of my favorite memories I have of him..I just miss him. A lot.

Some people say that I only write this kinda stuff to get compliments, and sorries, and sympathy. To those people: This is written from the heart. This is my way of expressing my feelings without whining to people's faces about it all. This way, I KNOW people want to read my blog, and they want to know how I feel. I don't tell people this stuff merely for my own gain, I do it because it helps me get through pain, and it helps others get through pain. I hope you can understand that now. I've considered the idea of just stoping writing the blog, but I can't. It's my way of escaping, it's my way of letting it all go, without being told to "shut up and stop complaining". Please, don't try to take that away from me. You can say what you want about me, you can try to tell me my reasons for blogging, but I don't care anymore..it won't work :)