I've been there, ya I know how it feels, to wonder if love is even real..

When you feel like you're all alone, just like your best friend up and gone, don't worry now..its gunna be ok.

It's amazing how you can have all the friends in the world and still be the lonliest person in the world.

You don't know how it feels to be outside the crowd, and you don't know what it feels to be your own best friend on the outside looking in.

I'm sick of wasting my time, you don't know anything about me, the things that you say, you may think I never hear about them, but word travels fast, and I'm telling you to your face, I'm standing here behind your back.

You've been all wrong, I'm not who you think I am, you've never given ME a chance.

I've always been there, I've always cared, did you do the same for me? I'm here, I believe in second chances, No matter WHAT you do, I will ALWAYS love you.

July 29th 2010

Lately I've been having a lot of flashbacks about my life as a little kid,and when we first moved to Texas ect..but mostly all the memories are of me and my dad. I can see him, I can hear him. But one thing I can't do is hold him tight and tell him "I love you dad".
I never saw this coming..any of it. I always thought he was going to be there. I always thought that if something went wrong, if I was picked on, if I was having a bad day, I could always go to my dad, and he'd be there.
He and I always joked around about me having crushes, and boyfriends, and all that kinda thing. He said "If you ever need someone to break his legs, I'll be here" Thats just one of my favorite memories I have of him..I just miss him. A lot.

Some people say that I only write this kinda stuff to get compliments, and sorries, and sympathy. To those people: This is written from the heart. This is my way of expressing my feelings without whining to people's faces about it all. This way, I KNOW people want to read my blog, and they want to know how I feel. I don't tell people this stuff merely for my own gain, I do it because it helps me get through pain, and it helps others get through pain. I hope you can understand that now. I've considered the idea of just stoping writing the blog, but I can't. It's my way of escaping, it's my way of letting it all go, without being told to "shut up and stop complaining". Please, don't try to take that away from me. You can say what you want about me, you can try to tell me my reasons for blogging, but I don't care anymore..it won't work :)

July 28, 2010

Hey :) I'm sorry I haven't been writing that much, but, I haven't actually been at my house for the past week or 2. Our house is being ripped apart at the moment, so we had to leave and live with friends :) Nothing much has happened in my life besides that. John had surgery on his wrist a couple days ago, and he left a couple hours ago to get his stiches taken out. I hope all goes well! Mom and I have had a couple colds lately, not to mention both of us have lost a considerable amount of weight in the process. I'm still recovering (supposdly is stress related). Oh well, can't really fix whats out of my control, can I?

So, since I've been packing up the house, I came across a bunch of letter and notes from around the school year. Most of them from one of my best friends (Alanna)..reading them over was really encouraging, and made me thank God all over again for having a best friend like her. She (and A LOT of other close friends) got me through everything, the ups and the downs, the days when I couldn't take it anymore: she was always there :)I love herrr!

Don't ever give up on your friends during hard times. The best ones will always be there, never doubt you, never give up on you. Know everything possible about you, and still love you all the same.

~ Love me more when I least deserve it, because thats when I need it the most.