July 8th, 2010

When am I going to learn? When am I finally going to tell the truth to people about myself? When am I going to accept who I really am, and trust that people will love me all the same? Readers - Truth is. I really didn't know who I was until 5 months ago. But just now all the pieces are starting to fall together..one of my final puzzles is almost finished. I just..I'm so lost. Confused, and frustrated. God where are you? I need you...I'm broken hearted, and empty inside.

About the truth: I try to be optimistic for my friends. I try to put on a happy face. I try to be everything they need. I try SO hard not to disappoint anyone. Let me tell you - It's impossible. I can't do it. No one can. But I still try none the less. I just want to be there for all my friends. I want to be that one friend that they NEED. I want to know that I have a purpose as of now...I want to know that I'm needed. I want to know that I'm cared about. See here's the real problem - I spend most of my time trying to care about other people and make sure they're ok, and I. ME of all people get on here tonight, and I use the word "I" 28 times. When have I ever stopped and thought about "wow...if I could just stop thinking about myself and think about other people and their needs.." can you imagine...what a better place it would be? Either way. I'm not always happy. I'm actually probably the most emotionally conflicted teen you would know. In fact, I have 5 different personalities (no joke) and it's a problem..I. Just want to hear three words. And for that person to actually mean it: "I love you"