November 10, 2010

Hey buddies :) I'm back, hopefully a little more collected then before. I just realized...Life is a whole lot easier when I'm able to get out and forget about everything. It's hard to explain but, if you're a full time mom, busy student, or a dad with a hectic life, I think you'll know what I mean. Most of the time I'm happier when I'm alone or out of the house (all the time, I really do hate being at home). Most people have been telling me that I used to be really bubbly and happy, and totally off the wall, but now I'm just there. First of all "Ghee thanks guys" and second of all. That's something rather hard to explain (again) But it could be worse. A couple of my friends witnessed me crying in the girls bathroom the other day, and I'm so sorry... unfortunately I can't say that's something that doesn't happen on a regular basis. I can go through the whole day with fake smiles and laughs, but...I'm looking forward to the day when I don't have to fake happiness. Because like I said, happiness is a gift, and, right now it's not something I can find. It's true, I do feel selfish, and like a jerk because I'm not mature enough to look around and see I'm already blessed enough to have what I do, I'm not mature enough to see that even though this is happening, I've still got the one thing that matters the most. I've got God. And I've got a family...I wish I had a reason to feel the way I do, then I wouldn't feel bad for it.

Jeremiah 29:11
Thank you so much for the life I have...


I've got a broken heart
I've got a broken smile
Yep, I've been lyin all the while

November 8, 2010

I know I haven't written in a long time, but.. a lot has happened lately. Boy, life sure does have a lot of drama when I'm only 14. School is ok, but it's really hard. Like I said I'm not really fitting in like I thought I would. The materials are also pretty difficult for me, I'm just not understanding what I should. It's really hard to explain. There's just so much for me to say, so much for me to tell, but I feel like I can't tell anyone or let anyone know how I feel. And it's not because I know them really well, or because I'm close to them, it's just because I CAN'T and I mean literally can't tell anyone what I feel. It's like I write them all down and stick them in a box and lock it up. I guess my way of escaping from it all is writing songs, coming up with sayings...

theres so much I want to do, but can't. So much I want to say, but can't, so much I want to happen, but I know never will.

October 11th 2010

Hey guys, sorry I haven't written in a long long time...I've had a lot on my mind. But..I guess you already knew that. I haven't been doing badly but I haven't been awesome either. Just..one of my friends. I love him to death, but every time I see him, it kills me inside. I can't explain it, although some of you already knew cuz I told you :) But. I'm not gunna go into a lot of detail about that.

So. School: I've got awesome grades, but..I'm just not fitting in the way I thought I would. It's almost like I'm invisible.. :(

.....I REALLY MISS MY FRIENDDD :''(

September 22, 2010

...and the worst part: i know it's not anywhere near over.